Sean isnt perfect. Im not perfect. Neither is our relationship. Our marriage has been improving over the last ten years, but not consistently. We had moments when it was declining. We always learned from those moments, climbed out of the rut we were in and were ultimately better for it. But something we didnt recognize for a long time was that we were putting ourselves at a disadvantage by simply putting ourselves around people consistently who were no better than us in their marriages. In those moments of decline, when it became a greater challenge to do and think right in our relationship, it was when there was little to no accountability from others who had marriages that were far better than ours. On the contrary, of the people we knew, almost all of them had marriages that were severally suffering. Men and women both who had many complaints about their spouses behind their backs and seemed to care little about loyalty or commitment. And when they were together, often times their behavior toward one another was poor. Even most of the older couples that we knew when we first married had dysfunctional thinking about marriage. Of the total couples we have known and spent time with over the last ten years, about 75% of them are now divorced. Some of those because of infidelity. Some of those to a second spouse. Honestly it wasnt and isnt any of our business what was going on in those marriages. It is not for us to judge whether the complaints or divorces were justified. I know some of them were. However it doesnt change the fact that Sean and I had a standard for the kind of marriage we wanted, and there were very few couples surrounding us that were meeting that standard. I remember an evening with some ladies that I didnt spend time with regularly. They ragged on their husbands and partners, and even poked fun at me for doting on Sean. That same week we spent time with some couples and some of the wives picked on their husbands. They played it like it was all in fun, but they spoke to their husbands so disrespectfully and belittled them. The days that followed I found I was super critical of Sean. More than I already was. I know now that it impacted me on a subconscious level without me being consciously aware of what had happened. Their behavior had started rubbing off on me. And these werent bad people. Just people who didnt have positive examples in their own lives to imitate. At this point in our journey, we still have so much to learn, but we have learned enough to know that it matters who our closest friends are. It matters who we spend significant time with. Right now, there are people in our life that can literally fire us up about life, our goals, our family and our marriage. Even just 10 minutes on the phone puts us in such a positive, driven state of mind. They believe in us more than we do ourselves sometimes, and their amazing examples make us strive to have the kind of results they have. We long to be around these people as often as we can because they make us better people. I share all this to say...just think about who is in your closest circle of friends. Who do you spend the most time with? Be honest, do you have the best results of the group? That could mean, financially, health and fitness wise, and relationally. If so, theres a problem. Some might feel good about that. I suppose in some ways acknowledging that fact strokes the ego, and some may use that as a reason to keep things just as they are. But ultimately, if you have the better results of everyone in your inner circle, you have no one feeding you motivation or inspiration to be better than you currently are. Not only that, but the subconscious mind is programmed via images associated with words and repetition. People who have limited thinking, apathetic attitudes or already think they have all the answers are going to act and speak based on those thoughts and beliefs, and the example they offer your eyes to see and your ears to hear on a consistent basis is conditioning your subconscious mind. This is a fact, although you wont hear it in mainstream information. I care about people, and I want everyone to live a happy and prosperous life. But not everyone will. Not everyone is open enough to work on themselves. Some refuse that they even need work. I dont necessarily believe that that makes them bad people. Some are ignorant while others are just too comfortable. Some will grow at a slower pace than others. I just know that we want to live a life of excellence. We want to be the best we can be in anything we do, and our marriage is one of the most important commitments we have made. It is a top priority. We take it very seriously and therefore we want to know that those we spend most of our time with are people who live for excellence also and cheer me and Sean on as a team.
Posted on: Sat, 06 Dec 2014 01:01:00 +0000
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