Seems like a large number of my friends are following in my footsteps and having a sleep study done. I would not be a good friend if I didnt prepare you for the adventure--so---rom: Roger Subject: A night at the castle of Dr. Frankenstein I just finished my Sleep Study ordered by the Respiratory doctor who visited me in the hospital during my back surgery. It is a straightforward procedure requiring that a Tech hook several wires to your face, chest and legs. The procedure is so well developed that it is almost painless. Before attaching the electrodes, you are asked to go to the restroom to change into your jammies. When you return to the room, you are seated in a chair and the Tech scrubs the areas to be used with a soap/mild abrasive substance similar to ground glass and dishwashing detergent. This is done with great vigor and enthusiasm!!!!!! After checking for bleeding from the cleaning, the Tech adds the electrodes to your scalp, face, nose, eyes and legs using a super tape. [Remember the Super Tape part for the end of the story!] At this point you will resemble someone who is ready to go Trick or Treating! Finally, a couple of bungee cords are placed around your chest and abdomen, pulled tight and hooked up. You are almost finished with the prep at this point! You are now asked to get comfortable in the bed. The Tech now has to calibrate his computer, of which you are now part. It seems that through the miracles of science, you are now linked to his PC, the Internet, as well as the Sci-Fi Channel, and are a member in good standing with the Borg! For you non-Star Trek people, the Borg are people who are half machine. To calibrate the computer you must go through a series of physical activities on command. Blinking, rolling your eyes, shaking your foot. Its sort of a medical version of the Hokey Pokey! If the tech doesnt like you, this could become an embarrassing activity. He could have you doing the Chicken Dance and you wouldnt know any better! When all his prep is complete, you are required to fill out one more form, then its lights out. You are left with the final instructions to, Just remove the finger clip attached to your left hand if you need anything and Ill be right here to check on you. Just after midnight, Mother Nature woke me, reminding me that too much Diet Coke before bed is a bad thing. No problem! Just remove the finger clip and wait. And wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait! With a bladder yelling at me to take action, desperate times call for desperate measures. I opened my cell phone causing it to light up and began to wave it wildly at the camera. If anyone were watching the monitors, they would figure I was trying to signal or that Tinker Bell had slipped into my room and was attacking me in the darkness. After several long minutes of waving my phone like a deranged, wired- up experiment from Frankensteins laboratory, I moved on to Plan C. Plan C involved lifting my head six or seven inches off of the pillow and rolling onto my left side. This is normally easy to do, but with your head hard - wired with short wires to a heavy black box, it aint easy! It feels like giant spiders webbed your head to a rock as you slept. I finally made the move, with my bladder urging me on, and managed to use the light of my cell phone to begin looking for a way to disconnect myself from the world of electronics! One disconnect into my brilliant plan and my room door opened, bathing me in a brilliant, white light! Blinded, I could only assume it was the Angle of Death or my Tech. Because my bladder had not yet burst, it was my Tech!!! He quickly finished unplugging me and I trundled off down the hall with a heavy black box in my left hand and trailing several feet of wires behind me. Relief was only twenty feet away! The remainder of the night went well. I kept dreaming I was in a science fiction B movie and had been captured my giant spiders. I also dreamed that everyone with a computer could see my dreams. I figured I was supplying late-night entertainment for millions of folks. At 4:35 I awoke, thirty minutes earlier than my normal time. This time when I pulled off my finger monitor, my Tech was on me like a duck on a June bug! He probably figured I had hidden wire cutters and that he would get his paycheck docked if the crazy guy got carried away. Remember when I asked you to remember the Super Tape used to hook the wires to your scalp [hair] and face, as well as your chest and legs? You think strong coffee will get you awake fast? Try having a man yank Super Tape contacts off your body at 4:45 AM!!!!!! I didnt scream and wake the other five sleeping guests, but my whimpering was so loud and high pitched Im sure I had dogs barking for at least a half mile around the clinic!! If any of you ever have a sleep study done, you can now be prepared. Good luck .May God be with you. Roger
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 03:46:53 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015