Sharing a Warrior Victory: Warrior win to share. I am a little late sharing this because my week has been a whirlwind since our hearing, and I’ve also spent some time reflecting on how this played out. My court battle started 2 years ago in November. My ex-n disrupted our family by moving his mistress into our house when our infant son was less than 6 months old. The whole situation was bizarre; I think it would have been more believable had it been a fiction novel, but no … this was my new life. At separation, I moved back to my home state 600 miles away with our son. The past 2 years have marked court battles in 2 different states. My ex-n pulled every trick out of his sleeve including fraud. Our custody orders were dismissed 2 different times. He cake walked out of 18 months of child support. He devastated me financially. Not only did I take him on, but I was also battling his mistress during this whole ordeal. She was the driving force of “crazy” behind his already ‘holier than thou’ antics. During all this time, he only chose to see his son on 4 visits in an 18 month span despite having (2) custody orders allowing him visitation. In June of this year, we finally (and I mean that by FINALLY) had our custody trial. The judge was lenient and didn’t realize the personality that my ex imposed. After all, he was “the victim” in all this mess. The judge was initially treating him as if he were the everyday Joe that just wanted to see his son. But, then I had an opportunity to present the ‘other side’ to the judge in a way that was less than conventional. I showed the judge how my ex had 1) not been actively seeing his son despite having the ability to, and 2) how my ex was creating social network accounts under my son’s name to push his smear campaign against me. The dynamic changed. The judge then ordered we would have a 6 month visitation schedule to try out, and this allowed 1-2 weekend visits per month (my ex to travel to my son) and two week long visits in his state (my son traveled to him). During this time, we were to exclusively communicate over email and we were ordered to turn in every single email for our Dec hearing for the judge to review. The judge promised he would read them and, if he found either of us being inappropriate, he would take away parental rights. The past 6 months have been hell. The anxiety, the verbal abuse, the blaming and shaming from ex-n. I was accused on several occasions of neglecting our son and being a bad parent. I was always under attack, always criticized and always blamed for his misfortunes. Confrontational nightmare. There were several times that I questioned my attorney on whether or not we could do an emergency hearing and ask the judge to stop the madness. There were times my ex deliberately violated the terms of contact (at exchanges that my father completed and I was 2nd driver for) and then shamed me for refusing to talk to him in person. I followed the terms of the order to the letter. Ex-n even filed a motion to the court complaining that I was following the order to the letter and that I wasn’t allowing him “enough flexibility” with the terms. I turned in all emails the Monday before Thanksgiving. Ironically, ex-n had our son that week and as of Saturday, he was refusing to return our son as ordered. So, right before our hearing, I had to travel 1200 miles round trip to get my son back and be back in time for our hearing. Ex-n participated by phone. The tone of the hearing was set early when the judge made it very clear that he had read the emails and he had something to say about them. The judge described the communication from ex-n as self-centered, badgering and confrontational. He went on to say that ex-n never showed any interest in cooperating for what was best for our son, he was only interested in what was best for himself and was determined to “push, push, push!” until he got what he wanted. The judge also outlined how ex-n has complete disregard for the court’s authority and disrespect for the mother. He even questioned how we can maintain joint legal custody based on the conduct of ex-n. The new order is indefinite – ex-n only gets visitations 1 weekend per month that he has to travel for. That weekend will be conducted at his parents’ home about 2 hours from where I live (essentially, supervised). No more time in his state. No holidays. No vacation weeks. He gets to keep Skype communication with our son because I ok’d it, but the judge wanted to eliminate it. I didn’t even get a chance to tell the court about him refusing to return our son 48 hours earlier. And, with that, it is over. Any changes to the final order will require the petitioner to prove there are a change in circumstances to the court before they can be heard. A new peace has come over me as I feel like the weight of the world has finally been lifted off my shoulders. My ex already has a motion in requesting a new trial, but I’m not sure if that will get any traction after what happened this week. I want to share the inspiration to my fellow warriors still trudging on. I’m exhausted from this, as is my family and support base. I have the most incredible support base anyone could imagine, and they have been my foundation. They held me up on the days I didn’t think I could keep going. The end will come, and eventually the truth will be known. Keep your faith, and remember the love of your chid(ren) when you hit your darkest hour. This, too, shall pass.
Posted on: Sun, 07 Dec 2014 10:56:09 +0000
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