Shawn Brown Im not sure if this should really be called a reflection but Im writing again. All for you. This will be just how I feel. I call it I Cry. I cry. Not because Im sad but because Im happy. Of course Im sad. A piece of me died on 12/12/14. This was the day we found out. But Im happy the Lord blessed me with such a beautiful angel to serve as my foundation. Weve had ups and downs smiles and frowns but through it all we never loved each other any less. I cry because as I watch you lay there. Im sorry moma. I jus cant do this one right now. The tears wont stop rolling down the iPad. Im going to finish this one tho. This one is hard to write baby. No wait... How dare I talk about how I cant do something because of the pain it brings when pain is the whole topic of why I cry. You lay there in this hospital bed with your cape on. Trying to protect us again. Its ok moma. You have worn that cape and been super for so long you can finally take it off. I cant even fathom the excruciating pain you must deal with daily yet you take it all like the warrior you are. No matter how many times I ask are you in pain your reply is always no. I can take it moma. You cant even hide it anymore. I may have been a fool leading up to this because I allowed you to disguise it but I see it now. I hate knowing you are suffering but hopefully we can get this turned around. Moma I cry because you have always been there and the thought of me losing you is unbearable to me. I used to see these old 90 and 70 year old mother and son tandems and I always told you that would be us. I do know you will fight your hardest but I also know thats not a reality anymore and it hurts so freaking bad. Hell who knows. Its not a guarantee that any of us make it that long. But that doesnt matter. How ever long you have I will literally be at your side. I cry because I normally look at life a few years down the road but after 12/12 Im so afraid to look to the future. And regardless of how bright I see it being Im scared to look because you may not be there. I dont even want to look into next week. I know we all die but this situation feels to surreal to me. I cry. Not because Im sad but because its such a beautiful sight to see people come see, call, write me on Facebook to ask about you and tell me they are here for us. Moma you are a special lady who touched the lives of many people. People have really been here and it helps. Dont you worry moma. My tears are of joy! GODs will be done and I accept it either way.
Posted on: Tue, 23 Dec 2014 20:49:26 +0000
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