Sic Transit Gloria Glevum At his first public appearance, following his recent elevation to the Lords, Lord Digger of Gloucestershire praised our modern “Big Society” as promoted by David Cameroon. “It just goes to show that a simple lad like me can with hard work and clever accountants and regular bungs to the Conservatives can rise to the heights of society, it just goes to show how we really are all in it together.” Amid tumultuous applause from hundreds of zero hours employees bussed in for the occasion from throughout the UK Lord Digger outlined his plans for Gloucestershire. “First I am going to get rid of all the scroungers, single parents, the poor, the ugly and basically anyone not on at least £300k a year. Then I am going to convert all their houses in to bijou weekend cottages for my city chums. Next I am going to buy all the farms in the county and create the biggest boutique organic lifestyle experience ever where rich people may be pampered by minions and talk about their exciting lives whilst spending obscene amounts on organic tofu shampoo and silk pantaloons, whilst sipping tea made from Guatemalan Sloth glands . David and Sam will love it, I hope Gideon can come too” A local peasant woman waiting to be evicted from her one bedroom dog kennel said “I am so excited, what with the Olympics, the Plutonium Jubilee, Pete Murray the new Royal Baby and now this I can hardly eat with excitement, which is just as well really since I can’t afford food since I lost my DLA. Did you want that bit of caviar you dropped on the ground off your canapé sir? Ever so grateful sir, ever so grateful.” DC was unavailable for comment as he was in a meeting with a firm of lobbyists, sorry, the Cabinet.
Posted on: Sun, 04 Aug 2013 08:51:10 +0000
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