Sir Harold Holt Peoples’ Militia: Cadet Uniforms In light of the heightened security atmosphere surrounding the yet to be defined threat posed by extremists associated with rival reenactment societies, the Public Hysteria Sub-Committee has suspended uniform regulations relating to cadets serving in any of the three services contained within the Sir Harold Holt Peoples’ Militia. Until further notice boys and girls associated with the Sir Harold Holt Feathered Hat Regiment, the Chinese Submarine Detection Fleet, and the Flying Emu Air Wing will be required to present themselves for training dressed in every day street attire, standard issue HHDRS monogrammed cravat, and junior smoking jacket (polo helmets optional). The Committee advises that it has not reached this decision lightly. Our record in defending custom and tradition is impeccable and it is well documented that over the years we have remained resolute in our refusal to kowtow to the madness of liberal humanism and other extremist fads. Indeed, it is only by refusing to submit to ‘trendy ideas’ such as lifting the prohibition on female members wearing trousers within the Sir Harold Holt Wax Museum and offering a vegetarian option at the Speargun and Snorkel Lounge that we have staved off the anarchy currently tearing at society outside our compound walls. Sadly, the threat posed by unidentified extremists is real. And while we are not yet in a position to reveal the nature, identities and carnage these maniacs are preparing to unleash, as well as urging our junior vigilantes to temporarily abandon their uniforms we also urge all members to avoid any person associated with the First Fleet Reenactment Society or linked to the Supreme Court injunction that has temporarily halted construction of the twin 946m Sir Harold Holt commemorative lighthouses that all right thinking Australians hope will one day mark the entrance to Port Philip Heads. We also have grave concerns about any member of the public whose signature is appended to the petition currently circulating on the eastern seaboard opposing our proposal to rename the Arthur’s Seat Chairlift ‘The Sir Harold Holt Commemorative Sit’ and to extend it from the Mornington Peninsula to the Batemans Bay Fishing Cooperative. While the committee accepts that some members will find it difficult to abide by this decision, ultimately resistance is futile. Accordingly, Cadet Abbott, Seaman Pyne, and Junior Bombardier Johnston are hereby ordered to abandon their blockade of the cigar lounge and hand in their uniforms forthwith. On an associated note, the imminent threat of total annihilation has also forced our hand on a range of other issues including a 45% fee increase for all membership categories below Tungsten, the privatisation of the shuttle service from the HHDRS compound to Cheviot Beach, and the termination of the Audit Committee’s inquiry into the awarding of several overseas scuba diving scholarships to nephews of the HHDRS’s founder and national convenor, Dr Erstwhile Truthwright. While the Committee regrets these decisions, our hand has been forced by the emergency that currently confronts us. G. von Ribbentrop (Miss) Steuermannsmaat Public Hysteria Sub-Committee
Posted on: Thu, 09 Oct 2014 08:53:30 +0000
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