Smiles for 1-5: Laugh every day; its like inner jogging. Parallel lines have so much in common. Its a shame theyll never meet. Love at first sight is nice, but it might be wise to take a second look. One of the greatest labor-saving inventions of today is tomorrow. If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldnt be able to sit down for a month. A motorist was caught by a speed camera going 10 mph over the limit. He received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. In return, the police department sent another picture - of handcuffs. As a new grandmother, I was very protective of my daughter Merediths baby girl. One cool afternoon I dropped by to see my grandchild. Meredith and a friend had taken little Allison for a walk in her stroller and were just coming up the street. As soon as they reached me, I bent down to admire Allison and, in my fussiest voice, remarked, Your little head is cold. You should have a hat on. My daughter looked knowingly at her friend and said, You owe me ten bucks. A headmaster at a parochial school wanted to provide his new students some advice for appropriate behavior at church. He thought he would try to elicit rules that their parents might give the youngsters before taking them to a nice restaurant. Dont play with your food, one second grader cited. Dont be loud, said another, and so on... He then turned to another youngster to ask, And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat? Without batting an eye, the child replied, Order something cheap. A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. What are those machetes doing in your car? asks the cop. I juggle them in my act. Oh, yeah? says the doubtful cop. Lets see you do it. The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch. Wow says the passer-by. Im glad I quit drinking. Look at the test theyre giving now! TOP TEN SURPRISES IN THE NEW MOVIE EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS By Dave Tippett 10. Hebrews seen making bricks with iClay 9. Pharaoh promises free wifi in last ditch negotiations 8. Baby Moses found in recycled shopping bag 7. Pyramids now made of Legos 6. Pharaoh gets the Avengers to stop one of the plagues 5. Burning bush is cut down due to carbon footprint concerns 4. Ten Commandments downloaded to Moses phone 3. Kim Kardashian makes brief appearance as Pharaohs chariot 2. Promised Land comes with a Walmart 1. Moses pauses for a selfie in front of the parted Red Sea [ mikeysFunnies ] ================================
Posted on: Mon, 05 Jan 2015 07:35:48 +0000
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