Smiles for 1-9: Injustice In 2003, televangelist Jim Bakker paid a $3.7 million settlement for defrauding his followers. Lawyers got $2.5 million of it - and each victim got $6.54. In a 2003, settlement between Sears and customers with improperly done wheel balancing. Lawyers got $2.45 million, and customers got $2.50 per tire. When a bank settled a lawsuit over improper interest charges, the lawyers got $8.5 million. Each bank customer got less than $10, and then had to pay the bank $91 to reimburse its court fees. Small Town Justice A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. But officer, the man said, I can explain. Just be quiet!!! snapped the officer. ...or Im going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back. But officer, I just wanted to say.... And I said KEEP QUIET! Youre going to jail! A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner and said, Lucky for you that the chiefs at his daughters wedding. Hell be in a good mood when he gets back. Dont count on it, said the man in the cell.... Im the groom! Boring Class A professor at the Michigan State University was known for giving boring, cliche-ridden lectures. At the beginning of one semester, an innovative class breathed new life into the course by assigning baseball plays to each hackneyed phrase. For example, when the professor said, On the other hand, that counted as a base hit. By the same token was a strike out; and so on counted as a stolen base. Divided into two teams by the center aisle of the lecture hall, the students played inning after inning of silent but vigorous baseball. On the last day of class, the impossible happened: the score was tied and bases were loaded. Then the batter hit a home run! The winning team stood and cheered wildly. Though deeply appreciative, the professor later was quoted as wondering why only half of the students had been enthusiastic about his lectures. Hearing Problems Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again. To which the gentleman said, Oh, I havent told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. Ive changed my will five times! Felix the Cat My aunts neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat, named Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night. One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, Felix reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured hes been out sowing his wild oats. Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Felix disappeared again. The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, my aunts friend began asking neighbors for clues. Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the street. A black cat? the woman said. Oh, yes! My husband and I hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a cat carrier. We take him to Florida with us every winter. Quiz Show Answers The Weakest Link Anne Robinson: In traffic, what J is where two roads meet? Contestant: Jool carriageway. Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius? Contestant: Bombay. Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes? Contestant: Crocodiles. Robinson: Wh...? Contestant (interrupting): Pass! Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen? Contestant: Chocolate salesmen. Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...? Contestant: (long pause) Joe? Lincs FM phone-in Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: Im sorry, I dont know the names of any countries in Spain. Steve Wright Show, Radio 2 Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube? Contestant: India. Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway? Contestant: Espresso. Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And its not Sydney. Contestant: Sydney. This Morning Judy Finnegan: The American TV show The Sopranos is about opera. True or false? Contestant: True? Finnegan: No, actually, its about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show, so Ill give you that. BBC Radio Newcastle Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days. Bob Hope Birthday Quiz, LBC Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons? Contestant: Four. BBC GMR, Phil Wood Show Wood: What K could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er... Wood: Its got two syllables... Kor... Contestant: Blimey? Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run... Contestant: (Silence) Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I... Contestant: Walked? Answers from Quiz Shows National Lottery Jet Set Eamonn Holmes: Whats the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.? Contestant: William Shakespeare. Chris Searle Show, BBC Radio Bristol Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didnt hear that, I can let you try again. Caller: Er... Mexico? Family Fortunes Something a blind man might use? A Sword A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon Name the Capital of France? F Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital A famous Scotsman? Jock Some famous brothers? Bonnie and Clyde. Something that floats in a bath? Water An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? A horse Something you wear on a beach? A deckchair A famous Royal? Mail Something that flies that doesnt have an engine? A bicycle with wings A famous bridge? The Bridge Over Troubled Waters Something a cat does ? Goes to the Toilet Something you do in the bathroom? Decorate A method of securing your home? Put the kettle on Something associated with pigs? The Police A sign of the Zodiac? April Something people might be allergic to? Skiing Something you do before you go to bed? Sleep Something you put on walls? A roof Something Slippery? A conman A kind of ache? A fillet of fish A Jacket Potato topping? Jam A food that can be brown or white? A potato Something sold by gypsies? Bananas Something Red? My sweater [ arcamax ] =======================================
Posted on: Fri, 09 Jan 2015 05:32:53 +0000
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