Smiles for 3-25: Daily Inspirations from Beliefnet “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” - Erin Majors “Humility is the solid foundation of all the virtues.” - Confucius “Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.” - George Eliot “As long as youre going to be thinking anyway, THINK BIG.” - Donald Trump “The question for the child is not Do I want to be good? but Whom do I want to be like?” - Bruno Bettelheim “Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.” - Swedish Proverb “Id rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous.” - Ani DiFranco “Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things.” - Frank A. Clark “Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.” - Sydney J. Harris “You are younger today than you ever will be again. Make use of it for the sake of tomorrow.” “It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices.” - Professor Dumbledore to Harry in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, by J.K. Rowling “Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes. Silently and imperceptibly, as we wake or sleep, we grow strong or we grow weak, and at last some crisis shows us what we have become.” - Bishop Westcott [ IQBN ] --------------------------------------------- Window Washer There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe. I said to him, What do you do for a living? He said, Im a former window washer. I asked, When did you give it up? He replied, Halfway down. Argument After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was. Oh, I said, So now youre speaking to me. He looked confused, What are you talking about? Havent you noticed I havent spoken to you for three days? I challenged. No, he said, I just thought we were getting along. New Math? A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic; he said it was his mission. He kissed her once, he kissed her twice, and said, Now thats addition. In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, Now thats subtraction. Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation. And both together smiled and said, Thats multiplication. Then her dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision. He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, Thats long division! Work Quotes The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. (Robert Frost) The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. Whats the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe youd get a pulse. (Dennis Miller) Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? (Edgar Bergen) Doing nothing is very hard to do ... you never know when youre finished. (Leslie Nielsen) The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning youre on the job. (Slappy White) I only go to work on days that dont end in a y. (Robert Paul) Its just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. (Muhammad Ali) A good rule of thumb is if youve made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, youve made a serious vocational error. (Dennis Miller) Groaner: The Lone Ranger The Lone Ranger and Tonto hitch their horses outside a saloon and go inside for a beer. Soon after, a man walks in and asks, Who owns the silver horse outside? The Lone Ranger replies, I do. Whats the problem? The man says, You better go look at him. I think hes hot. The Lone Ranger goes outside to check on his horse, and sure enough, the horse is overheated and distressed. Quick, Tonto, run circles around Silver. You will create a draft and cool him down. Tonto starts running around the horse to cool him down, and the Lone Ranger goes back into the saloon to enjoy his beer. Soon after, another man walks in and asks, Who owns the silver horse outside? The Lone Ranger again replies, I do. Whats the problem now? Youve left the Injun running. [ GCFL.net - The Good, Clean Funnies List ] ==================================
Posted on: Tue, 25 Mar 2014 06:01:31 +0000
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