Snowflakes are dancing Like the snow falling on my childhood home, information, thanks to facebook falls in the same way, bits of information falling on me, covering me with a blanket of news, some good, some bad. At my age, I expect to hear victories about those children of my friends and to hear about the tragedies of their older relatives. What I hope to keep steady is the news about us, those in the middle. I look at the photos friends post, a marriage of a daughter, so beautiful, the time of her life, a son carrying honors at a prestigious school, so proud are his parents. There is a post of a new grandchild, magnificent in her innocence, so beautiful in her purity. I am taken back to a time when I wasnt growing old, but was growing up. We had nothing to reflect upon because we had not traveled that road yet, we were the pride of our parents, they were where we are, here in this thought, at this moment, worried about us. The snow was their information. Snowflakes of information cover me. Friends lose parents, I read their angst, I feel their sorrow, I lost mine. I know how they feel, the subtle movement closer to being alone. We have the future but the past is fading, losing those that were part of our lives like pieces on a chessboard. Slowly the game has so few pieces. Friends post views of loved ones who passed on like one last eulogy, deep, heartfelt, sad. Ive been there, I weep with you. Those are the expectations of life, they dont rock the cradle, they dont make the grave unfavorable, they are real, they are understood, but it is my group, those nearing or just passing fifty that draw questions I cant answer, bring hesitation to my walk, clasp my hands locked fingers and on my knees asking why when tragedy strikes. It is when those events happen that the snow of information falls the hardest, comes down from my sky of friends like the storm of the century. When Matt Duncan died, the ground was covered, it was cold and I felt numb. We all connected with our thoughts, it was too soon, it was us, we were part of that death. I find I need to reconnect when I read of tragedy in our ranks, I need to reach out and give the only gift I have, to soothe the fear we all feel, to let us know we arent alone, we still sit next to each other, looking out the window of first grade, waiting for recess so we can go play in the snow, bundled up, snow angels in the powder, laughter that still echoes in my head, echoes forever, echoes down school hallways I no longer walk. This week, as the snow started falling, someone dropped news that one of our own, one from our youth might be ill, seriously ill. It drew me back, made me realize I dont have time to forget those who played such vital roles in my life, I cant just say, Tomorrow, Ill call them. I thought about my own family, what if this was one of them. Id feel remorse for any misgivings that kept us from speaking. I picked up the phone, I started punching numbers. I said, Sis, just wanted to tell you, I love you.
Posted on: Wed, 04 Jun 2014 03:02:19 +0000
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