Snowmaggedon brings out the silly in me. Submitted for your approval or whatever... ‘Twas The Night of Snowmaggedon” ‘Twas the night of Snowmaggedon and all through the land, Many people were searching for food oh-so bland. The masses swarmed stores, overcome by sheer dread, In search not of canned goods but perishable milk and some bread. I donned my winter cap and soon joined the fray, Finding the nearest parking spot so very far away. The shelves were laid bare by the human tsunami, Wide eyed, teeth bared, a unified prowling zombie. Children were trampled, old women kicked aside But the hordes would not stop, despite my bellowing chide. “This is madness, please stop, it’s only a storm!” I yelled to the crowd trampling me in a snow-booted swarm. “This is New England!” I roared with a last desperate cry, And was rewarded by a cute lad’s kick to my eye. I made my way home and flicked on the news, To see gawking ‘journalists’ outnumber road crews. “Prepare for the worst! The end is drawing near! “But stay tuned to us, you’ll have nothing to fear!” The salt was piled in round houses with care, And reporters lined the roadways, even as roads were still bare. Breathless forecasters gushed forth all gloom and all doom, Viewers watched enraptured in the warmth of their room. “Six inches, 10 inches, 12 inches, and more! “One foot, two feet, God knows, maybe four!” The madness too much, I retreated to bed, Where dreams of summer sun soon filled my head. The new morn’ brought bright skies, and a blanket of white, And nary a creature was stirring, the streets still a fright. The stores were all closed, the roads clear of cars, The only things open, I surmised, would be nearby bars. The calm was quite eerie, the stillness sublime, Nowhere were humans, and I imagined, no crime. The people were stilled, ensconced cozily at home, No desire to leave, no burning need to roam. I realized this is how it was in days long ago, No blathering TV idiots screaming of storms that would blow. I welcomed the peace, and opened my cupboard, Opened a can of Spam, and then I soon blubbered. “I did not prepare, despite what many had said! “Goddammit to hell, I forgot to get bread!” And as the plows grumbled by, scraping the snow and the ice, I cried “Merry Snowmaggedon to all! And to all, can you PLEASE spare a slice?”
Posted on: Mon, 26 Jan 2015 23:34:58 +0000
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