So I failed, for the first time in many years I failed! I really can’t explain the feelings, the emotions I went through. It not like I never failed in anything, I have; but the one thing I am good at, maybe I am the best at. What should I say when I fail in that one thing. The first thing that comes to my mind is, am I good enough, or was it just an illusion I created. But then I realize all the work, efforts I put in years to get to here. Can I let one failure, just one bump in the road to doubt all my potential? And maybe I may make it next time; but the grief of failing in one thing I was, yaa was best at had its own emotional turmoil’s. Maybe most of you think what’s the big deal! But just think for a second, if you failed in one thing you thought you will never fail at, you may get the same feelings what I am going through. But today I am back again, doing my works, feeling, laughing, and joking around. What happened, what changed, no I didn’t make it . What I went through is well put by Kubler-Ross model stating ‘the five stages of grief’. They divided the grief of a person into five important stages- Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining, and Acceptance. Now the span of these stages depends on how big your grief is. For me it was from the evening I got this decision to the same night. DENIAL- How is it possible? I can’t fail! There must be a mistake! I’ll go and check myself! That was my first reaction after knowing I failed. I was in total denial to what was right in front of me. May be that is how people react when they see the unexpected; I was no different. These and lot of such denial was what I kept playing in my mind for a long time. ANGER- How can they do this to me? Nobody fails me! I am going to fight for it. I was angry with my manager/supervisor, I was angry with the system, I was angry with whatever was happening, but most of all I was angry with myself. But I was just trying to fight everyone who tried to talk to me. I was, as you can say, just damn angry. DEPRESSION- I am no good! It was a bad decision to do this! Maybe I am not as good as I think I am! I’ll never be good at anything in my life. Depression is one of the most common expressions in one’s failure. It was my reaction too. But just a quick recap of what I went through to reach here, and I couldn’t stay depressed for a long time. BARGAINING- Maybe I can talk to someone about it! I can make it next time.! I was trying to bargain into my feelings. But if I kept going, and it didn’t turn out the way I plan, I am leading to another grief. So what was it I can do? What was the only way I can get over with this night mare? ACCEPTANCE- And then it struck me, what if I just accept what was happening? Was it so difficult to accept that I failed? I read all my life that ‘If you don’t fail, you never learn’. It was time to use the advice I gave people. To face whatever happens head on. And that’s when I started feeling lighter, easy on life, not because I was happy with what happened; but just because I accepted I failed. #Loser #AccentureProjectSucks
Posted on: Sun, 23 Nov 2014 06:53:55 +0000
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