So I got up this morning. My mother comes down the stairs to share her usual daily list of complaints. On todays agenda is how she is terrified. Me being the selfish person I am I tell her I wish to speak to my wife before she leaves for work. By the time my wife leaves...and she leaves more or less at the same time everyday...my mother has gone back to bed. I heave a sigh of relief at not having to listen to the same routine yet again first thing in the morning. No such luck. She is yelling down the stairs, telling me I dont care about her, that nobody does. Another all too familiar routine. So whats this all about? My mother went for a yearly recently. The doctor finally noticed the tremor in my mothers hands which has now progressed to her legs. I have to wonder where hes been not to notice it before. He decided to send her for an MRI and a neurology consult. Mentions the obvious...Parkinsons. A disease we are rather familiar with...her brother Eddie had it for many years before finally succumbing to its effects. A horrible degenerative illness. So my wife and I took her for the MRI. Her internist called her a couple of days ago. The finding was a microadenoma...a small pituitary tumor...usually benign. An irregularity with her pituitary was noted 5 years ago in the hospital. It was referred to as a cyst then. It was asymptomatic then and as far as I know it is now. Even if it was causing symptoms, it isnt tremor theyd be looking at. Given its location it would impact her vision; no such impact has been measured. My mother has managed to convince herself she has a malignant brain tumor and she is dying of it. Sort of comical considering she has an assortment of other things that are much more likely to kill her. Overlaying all this is a woman who refuses to acknowledge the obvious...we all die and that includes her. How do I know this? She doesnt have a will...never had life insurance...has never really been willing what she wants done with her remains...refers to her contemporaries dying as dying young. Classical symptoms of someone who is in denial of the ultimate reality...death. Whether she acknowledges it or not she will die. Her time is coming to a close. Nothing will change that reality, no matter how stubbornly she denies it. Youd think when she was in the hospital 5 years ago and very nearly died she would have taken the hint and realized the obvious. Youd think shed be grateful for the additional grant of time and make the most out of it knowing time would limited. Not my mother. Gratitude is not in her nature, only entitlement. The grim reaper doesnt care about entitlement. There is one thing my mother is right about...I dont care. There is a limit to how much abuse any human being can take and I passed that limit a long time ago. I do what I believe decency requires me to do; decency does not require me to pretend caring which does not and can not exist. If my mother is not cared for, she should look in the mirror for the answer why. She wont...its always someone elses fault. As there arent many people willing to interact with her anymore its my fault. Im just a convenient excuse...the last one. And so on Monday Jane and I will take my mother to that neurology consult. My mother will rant endlessly until then. She will be evaluated for Parkinsons. I think she has it. She exhibits a number of symptoms consistent with Parkinsons. Maybe shell be diagnosed with it, maybe not. Im not one if the psychic friends, I dont know. Theres treatment for Parkinsons...at least for while. Treatment involves copious amounts of medication. I have my doubts her liver will tolerate that amount of medication. Even if it would...such treatment would not reverse her dementia...her cardiovascular disease...her cirrhosis...etc. She will likely die of something else long before she would reach the horrors of end stage Parkinsons. The neurological consult may well be nothing more than academic...of no practical benefit. All that aggravation for no real benefit.
Posted on: Wed, 04 Dec 2013 15:45:34 +0000
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