So, I had this epiphany while running today... I was trotting along listening to my worship music and somehow started thinking about all the Haters. Yep, haters. All the people that roll their eyes at my daily posts, my yoga poses, and positivity. I thought about the few bold enough to address their distaste to me. I was thinking Id say to them, maybe to you, that this post may not be for you and thats okay. Just keep scrolling and be on with your day. And I thought that was that.. when the epiphany came. . . . . . I was 20, newly engaged and working at a YMCA summer camp. I wanted to advance in the Ragger program for my brown rag, with goals of becoming closer to God (who I barely knew then), loving myself, and a few others. The Ragger program works in a way that you have a mentor who reviews your goals, goes over them and eventually ties the knot for your rag which is more like a bandana. Anyway, my mentor was a 20-something guy who sorta creeped me out and he took me to an empty lodge to go over my goals.. which also sorta creeped me out. He started by telling me that he noticed I was a giving person. The creep level kept rising (at least, thats the way I saw it then). He used the metaphor of a bowl. I had a giving bowl and he noticed that I constantly gave to others from my bowl. He warned me to be careful of completely emptying my bowl and the disaster it might create. He said I would need that bowl to be filled... and blah blah blah is about all the rest that I remember from that conversation because I rolled my eyes a million times and was looking for the quickest way out of that encounter. Thankfully someone came in and saved the day. So what, right? Right, except... Three years later I found myself in an empty marriage and that metaphor became the base of every argument I started. I was empty. My bowl was empty. My marriage was empty. Why couldnt my husband fill that damn bowl. Aha, super creepy guy was onto something. I thought about that metaphor way too many nights to count. I lost sleep thinking about that bowl. I sobbed my heart out thinking about that STUPID bowl. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was not supposed to fill that bowl, nor was my husband, or anyone else. God. My God. The one that I desired a relationship with for so long and never fully sought. And so, long story - short, when I sought after God, began to pray and ask for His love, I found my bowl filling again. But back to the haters and eye roller extraordinaires... This post may not be for you and thats okay. But, maybe, this post may not be for you TODAY. You might need/gain/learn from it tomorrow or next year, I dont know. Im just here sharing a piece of my heart and wisdom because Ive been lucky enough to have others do the same for me.
Posted on: Sat, 09 Aug 2014 03:45:52 +0000