So I have been in a funk. I have not been drawing. I have not been writing. I basically have been going through the motions with a smile on my face as if everything is all fine and dandy. I am a great performer. I will put on my game face and let you see an illusion. I want to be genuine but my spirit is on edge and sometimes all I feel like doing is screaming. I am not telling you this to discourage you, as a matter of fact this is a tale of endurance and persistence. I will get through this. I went home last night and sat in my recliner in the silence and the dark. I was crying and staring at the ceiling. I noticed a water spot. I made up a poem about this water spot that ended up having me laughing through my tears. Trust me you dont want to know the poem :) Anyway trying to snap out of this funk has not been easy. It occurs to me that I still grieve. I have a long list of things I grieve. Mostly Zoe. I drove to work this morning and when I went out to move the car it wouldnt start. I called a mechanic. He jumped it and took it to his shop. Meanwhile I have two scheduled tours and all the other random things that pop up to look forward to. Still grieving, concerned about the cost of the car repairs. Needing groceries and family always on my mind. So I do what I do best. I put on my game face. I smile and I rock those tours right along with the other thousand things I had to do in between and I move forward because I refuse to move backward. I keep pushing on and I have faith that if I made it through years of high risk behaviors then I most definitely will get through this. The mechanic tightened up a cable, handed me my keys and said no cost. Good news but not enough to bring me completely out of my funk. How long will it last? I honestly dont know. The only thing I am sure of is, it will not last forever. So for now I will move forward and smile.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 19:38:59 +0000
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