So I just finished going through the last 5 boxes of old pictures. Found some from every year of my life. I found my dad’s eulogy that was written by my uncle, my dad’s oldest brother. The date on it was October 4, 1998. Exactly 14 years before my best friend in this world passed away. At first I couldn’t see past the date at all. It stood out like it had a hold of my entire body and wasn’t about to let go. Then I blinked and read again. It was like I was reading it for the first time. I sat there and tears fill my eyes as I thought of all the great people that have departed from my life. It is the greatest sadness ever known. A heartbreak that never goes away, no matter how much time passes. As I looked through all of those old pictures I realized something else… I am strong. I have by the grace of God raised amazing children. I have always found a way to get done what needs to be done. It may not be in the timely manner that others think I need to do it in, but the point is, I do it!!!! The other point is, when you look at me and try to figure me out, don’t. I have been through more shit than most could even handle reading about in one’s life-time. Please do NOT judge me or expect me to be on YOUR time frame for how I accomplish things. Only I can do that. After all, this is my life. This is who I am. The trials I have gone through are my own. I will decide what kind of day I am having as each and everyday arrives and I am the one that will figure out how it is I am going to get through it. I have somewhat good days, hard days, sad days, the worst days & then some days are just days. This is me, this is my life. Either stand beside me and walk it with me or move on. I can’t let anyone bring me down and I won’t let anyone try to live it for me or give me their thoughts on what I need to do from the time I wake up every morning. That is my JOB! Venting session is over. You can go ahead and call this another one of those ‘Stages all of us widows go through’ if you want and if it makes you feel better. Now, have a wonderful day. I need a shower and to get MY life in order for this particular day. Sending my love around the world and back. Lauralee P.S. Not going to lie, that felt pretty good to get off my chest.
Posted on: Tue, 06 Aug 2013 15:31:37 +0000
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