So.... I try to keep my personal Facebook page as professional as possible .... and not put too much up about anything thing I deal with health wise, or complain too much or flip out on anyone .... There are times when the person everyone comes to for support and to vent .... just needs to have a time out to flip out themselves..... %^> and guess what...... My lab results were exactly what I thought they would be this morning .... (well actually they were higher than I thought ...) and now I am feeling like a complete failure at life.... I dont want a bunch of comments or sympathy or anything like that.... just stating the truth .... and trying to deal with the emotions I normally repress so far down I dont have to deal with them .... Once again I had stopped taking all the medications I am supposed to be taking ... about 6 months ago .... and before anyone decides they want to lecture me .... you really cant say anything I havent already heard.... or that I havent said to myself a million times .... and anyone who battles depression can get this .... but ... I take my meds... and never feel any different ... I have had a hard time swallowing pills since childhood... and I would make myself take my pills.... I would make myself stick myself in my stomach so many times a day ... (HATE needles) and I would feel worse... not better.... and YES in my head ... I KNOW that it will take a long time to actually feel better because of how long my body has dealt with me not doing what I should to take care of myself ...that doesnt make it any easier.... so I get depressed and stop taking my meds.... which of course starts the cycle all over again .... My blood sugar this morning was 394 ... now for most people ... this would freak them out .... Me?? I dont feel any different than I always do ..... However.... the Doc this afternoon I was talking to, to get my teeth pulled, said point blank ..... He would not be a Co-conspirator is helping my kill myself ... that until (and if) I can get my blood sugar under control .... He would not do the surgery.... He said he could do it .... and I would sruvive the surgery.... however.... in the few weeks following the surgery.... because of all the infection and bacteria in my body (becaue of the Diabetes) I would be dead... He said a lot of other things.... and I listened .... and agreed with what he was saying .... this is ALL me ... None of this is anyone elses fault or doing .... ALL me .... Sooooo ... If you dont hear from me a lot in the next few days ... PLEASE dont think anything of it .... I am just dealing with straightening out my head and will be back to my normal self (or whatever will be normal from now on) .... in just a few days .... Now after saying all that.... (if you are still reading this...) I have a doctors appt EARLY Wed morning to get back on my meds.... and I am going to try my best to stay on them ... One reason I am posting this here.... is so I dont have to explain it a hundred and one times .... and also ... for my own accountibility ... AND because for me ... writing is theraputic ... Not sure what else to say right now .... but if I dont answer my phone ... or respond as quickly as usual .... dont be alarmed.... I am fine ... and will respond soon ..... %^> Thank you all for the prayers..... they are being felt .... %^>
Posted on: Fri, 28 Mar 2014 20:19:38 +0000
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