So...I wanted to share a little something of my soul with you all. Ever since I was little, I have always wanted to fly. I wanted to be a pilot in the Air Force. All that changed when I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I didnt realize how much epilepsy would impact my life when I tried to enlist. Denial letters followed based on my epilepsy. My dream was crushed. This was in my senior year of High School. Ever since then, Ive been floundering around, wandering from job to job, always unhappy. Dead-end relationships, low-paying jobs, unable to drive, moving around a lot...I guess you could say I was in a pretty depressed state for quite some time...but I always put a smile on my face and pretended everything was fine. But deep down the desire to fly burned hard in my heart, and the knowledge that I had something wrong with me to prevent that hurt even worse. It was like clipping a birds wings...theyre meant to fly and be free, but you imprison them to the ground, never to fly again. It still burns, and still hurts to this day. Occasionally I do cry because of it. I cant explain why it hurts that much. Fast forward to 2013. I spend four months and probably more money than I should have into my Ichigo Kurosaki cosplay for the first SoDak Con that I would attend. I left that convention that Sunday afternoon with a door having been blasted wide open that I had always looked at, but never considered because, art doesnt get you anywhere, as most might say. I grew up thinking that. I grew up thinking that art is just a hobby, not a job, not a way of life. But that weekend...after several asked me how much I would sell my sword for, and words of encouragement from a fellow artist, I began to play with the idea of prop commissions. That idea expanded into a larger dream...one that, while it wont take me flying, it gives me an outlet to pour my soul into. My secondary, and recently budding dream...to make it to a point where I will be able to make props for movies in Hollywood. I could likely expand on that to costume design and makeup artist...the ability is there, just needs to be nourished. Where I stand now, I do everything by hand. I cut, carve, shave, sand, and paint everything by hand. Nothing is cast, nothing is vacuum-formed, nothing is 3D printed. I dont have the money for these kinds of tools, thus no experience. However, I DO know that once I get my hands on these tools...Ill be unstoppable. I know I will. I am beginning to see the extent of my ability and its beginning to let me spread my wings in a different way. Its not the same as flying, but cosplay takes me into different realms where my soul is free. And thats good enough. There are some people out there who would rather seem me with a traditional job...a desk job or something. People who might rather see me settle down with a good man and have a child or two. That life isnt me. I cant sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day. I cant devote my life to a child. Every man I have been with has wanted to take me away from my prop and costume making in one way or another. Ive been distracted by the idea of finding the perfect person for me that I never saw or was given the chance to explore who -I- am. I am not a traditional person. Never was, never will be. If someone comes into my life, they better be willing to accept that my work as a cosplayer and prop maker is important to me. I have goals beyond this being a hobby. I intend to make it work. This is why I work so hard on my cosplays. This is why I break my back doing tiny details, experimenting with different techniques, using whatever I have available to me. I am an artist, a cosplayer, a prop maker...and I have a dream.
Posted on: Mon, 06 Oct 2014 07:12:18 +0000