So I was hanging out with my buddy Morgan (The Captain) Friday night, and then for some reason we decided it would be a good idea to watch After Earth at 1:00am. The next day I discovered that I played movie critic with my other buddy Siri, and being the good friend that she is, took notes (spoiler alerts to follow for those of you really amped for After Earth): Their accents are ridiculous. Nice soul patch, Will Smith. Chick from Ace Ventura 2 is you wife. Wheelchairs in the future are just shiny Hoverounds. Their ship sounds like its made of plastic. Hey Siri, I didnt know you were the voice of their spaceship. Good to go is an official health status. Jaden Smith always looks like hes being scolded. Will reminds Jaden that the stupid quarterback wristband hes wearing is their only means of communication. He might as well of said this thing will break later in the movie. Medication in the future doesnt go by its prescribed name, instead theres a fancy bottle that just reads pain killer. But they still cause drowsiness and impaired vision. SmartFabric? Really? Monkeys dont like water? Neither did the aliens in Signs, M. Night! Is this a global warming message movie? No, dont look it up, Siri. Oh, a Scientology movie? Really? Jaden Smith is soft. In addition to being a soldier, Will Smith is also a surgeon. Lenny Kravitz daughter has a different accent than everyone else. Will Smith can see everything His son can see... Except the spider on his hand and the viles of breathing fluid he has left. Jaden Smiths accent turns hillbilly when he shouts, I am waiting for him to shout I dont want your life at Will Smith. There are wings built into his SmartFabric suit. SO MANY CONTINUITY ERRORS!!! His sister becomes a zombie in his dream? So he made friends with a giant bird that died protecting him? where am I? Busy signals never change in the future. What is URSA? They never explain why theyre transporting it or what its importance is. But its not a secret Jaden will fight it in the end. I was right! Youre pretty, Siri.
Posted on: Tue, 05 Nov 2013 22:24:27 +0000
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