So..... Imagine for a second that you are born into a world where dudes like dudes and chicks like chicks. And everyone has this religion that says this is how the creator of the universe intended it. But for whatever reason, you realize early on that you are a dude who likes chicks. You have to spend your entire childhood pretending to like dudes, but you really dont. In fact, the mere thought of it disgusts you. Then one day, you realize there are others like you. And you are so excited that you throw a parade to celebrate where you will publicly wear dockers and a cardigan as opposed to the god damn leather teddy they make you wear to work every god damn day (except for Formal Fridays where youre FINALLY allowed to wear business suits). All the homos start freaking out and protesting and calling you weird names associated with being burnt at the stake. They even go as far as to try to make your attraction to women illegal. And then, one day you meet the woman of your dreams. She literally turns you into a better person. She refines you. She brings out a strength of character in you that you never knew was possible. And you know, in the innermost depths of your being, that if you dont marry her, it will be the biggest mistake of your life. But you cant marry her, because all of these religious queens believe in some god invented by sheep herders from the bronze age who said that it is a sin punishable by death to love this woman who has changed you for the better forever. So you organize with other straights to fight for your legal right to marry the woman of your dreams. And you begin to win. State by state, your case is heard and a decision is made in your favor. The religious queers continue to protest and are now saying that you are part of a thing called The Straight Agenda and that things arent really that bad for you and that you should stop trying to infringe on the institution of gay marriage. Interestingly enough, more and more of the strongest advocates for the sanctity of gay marriage start coming out of the closet. They keep getting caught in straight trysts. Finally, every state passes straight marriage laws, the old school prejudice of the religious homos ends with a generation, and a new age is born where men and women can marry and live out the remainder of their lives together in perfect peace without any fear of having their houses pelted with rhinestones in the middle of the night by religious homo radicals. The End.
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 18:13:12 +0000
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