So Ive been thinking for some time how I can be more proactive in supporting this page, our cause and our ultimate goal of automatic 50/50 custody and decided I would write a letter to Nigel Latta asking for his support in bringing fathers issues to the forefront by way of a television show. I mean, it seems like he genuinely does care about the social issues facing New Zealand based on the series he presented back in August and that being the case, he would be the ideal person to highlight the issues fathers are facing through the Family Court. Here is the letter which I have emailed to him through his contact page on his website. Will be interesting to see if he responds and if he does, what his response will be: (PS. I hope you dont mind me including your comments but I figured since this was a public page, it would be okay). Hi Nigel I am a huge fan and I followed your series back in August with interest about the social issues we are facing in New Zealand. I did however feel that the episode on Family Violence was a little one-sided and biased as my research shows that there is a growing trend of domestic violence perpetrated by women against men so a more balanced view would have shown a more accurate picture of the true state of affairs when it comes to domestic violence. However, that aside I am writing to you to ask for your help. I have been following for some time a page on Facebook ‘NZ Men Fed Up With The Family Court’. Recently after sending them a message I was invited by them to become an editor and administrator of their page. It would seem quite ironic that I would end up being an advocate of fathers rights to have 50/50 shared custody of their children considering my own circumstances and the journey I have been through after a rather soul destroying split from my daughter’s father, but in fact it is exactly because of my own personal journey that I understand how important it is for the father to continue to be an active part of the child’s life, no matter what feelings of resentment one may harbour towards each other. I followed their posts regularly but it wasn’t until I became an admin and had access to the private messages they received that I understood what was really going on within the Family Court system and the devastating effect it was having on our Dads and the pain and hurt they were going through. The page has been going for just under a year, started by a couple of guys who had been dragged through the Family Court who had had enough and were looking to support other men going through the same experience and bring about positive change to the system. It is their goal that fathers who are fit and able will have the right to automatic 50/50 custody of their children. Nigel, I believe this is a social issue of epidemic proportions which is not just having a devastating effect on fathers all around New Zealand but is also having a major impact on the future mental and emotional wellbeing of our children and the issue is just being swept under the carpet. This is an epidemic which is full of false accusations made by women against fathers, in turn backed up by the bias of the family court that believe the child is better off with the mother which is in turn backed up by greedy lawyers who are making millions of dollars out of all the lies and allegations being told. If you don’t believe me as to the extent of the issue or if you are unaware of how this is affecting men, then here are some comments from some of our followers below in response to some of our page posts. In response to a post outlining what our page is about: “My best friend spent thousands on lawyers to try to see his children, after 6yrs he was so distraught he took his own life.” “I have not seen my kid since he was 2 (now over 19) due to the bias family court back years ago. They took what the mother said was true and didnt believe me making life to hard to see my son.” “I spent thousands through the courts, took me 7 months to get to see my kids, and when I finally got to that point, had to re bond with them all over again. I got as low as I could, got depression, and found out who my true friends are... “ In response to a page post: “It cost me $150k through the NZ Family Court - how much did it cost you?” “Nearly 50k for me. Would have been alot more but the last 2 cases, 1 was on legal aid as i had no money left from fighting 3 previous custody cases, & the last case i had no legal aid left so represented myself, the judge didnt even want to hear a thing i had to say without a lawyer (he told me i obviously didnt care about my kids enough to have a lawyer?) & when i questioned why my ex partner tattooed my 14yo son for his birthday? & wasnt that illegal? i was removed from court by the judge & didnt even get to hear/see the verdict of losing my 2 sons who were in my fulltime care at the time, as she left them with me to be with some guy years earlier my custody battle lasted for 5 court cases over a 10 year period. Ex took me to court every 2 years & never paid a cent for any of it (all legal aid covered), it cost me everything, including my 23 year job in the end. There is no justice in this country for fathers is all i know now” “ a guy i know has spent well over 250k” “Near on $170k - and that is not inclusive of the hundreds of hours Ive put in” “70 K lawyers, 70 K buyout her, 30 K of furniture, Tried to take home from me....had to sell Forestry 20 K, 3k Child support month, 500 education fund month....AND the BIGGEST cost of all...My childrens LOVE and care I will and did always have for them Taken from us” Believe me when I say, this is just a small sampling of what our fathers are going through just so they can see their children. Nigel, our fathers are hurting – they are going through bankruptcy and poverty, falling victim to depression and resorting to suicide, all because the family court system is geared up against them – it is truly heartbreaking. And this is not just happening in New Zealand, this is a worldwide occurrence. Surely not only as a psychologist, but also as a father yourself, you must recognise the importance of a father having an active role in a child’s life and the devastating impact that this will have on the future of our children and on our society, if we don’t address this. So Nigel, I am asking you... begging you... for your help in bringing this issue out from under the carpet to the forefront so that these father’s plights can be heard and addressed, and not just for these Dads who deserve and have the right to have 50/50 custody of their children but also for the children who have a right to have their fathers in their lives too. We do have things in the pipeline planned but I feel that to have someone like yourself bring these issues into the open through way of a television show such as the series you recently presented would give us the support and boost we need to bring about effective change to the system. We have no shortage of men who would be able to tell their story but I would also like to point out that it’s not just fathers who are affected. Think of all the extended family - grandparents, aunties and uncles of these men that are excluded from seeing grandchildren, nieces and nephews too. I fully believe in the importance of the family unit however it is just a fact that in today’s society we have a high rate of split families but I believe this doesn’t mean we still can’t still give love and support to our children through 50/50 custody as long as each parent has the best interests of the child at heart. Maybe it just means we need to redefine the definition of family. I will be posting this letter to the page and I know our 17,000 followers, men and women (yes we have many women supporting father’s rights to their children too) will be eagerly awaiting your response. Thank you Nigel for taking the time to read this letter and I sincerely hope that you will take our request for help into serious consideration as a project for 2015 and lend your support to our cause. Kindest regards Barbra Maggs (On behalf of ‘NZ Men Fed Up With The Family Court’)
Posted on: Wed, 10 Dec 2014 10:43:23 +0000
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