So Ive noticed this latest stage is called confusion...I cant please anyone which means Im not happy about upsetting so many people. Days like this make me want to isolate myself from everyone, but the past has proven to me that protecting these people from me actually just angers them as much as interaction because now its considered ignoring them. The whole thing becomes pointless and one-sided when I shouldve just stuck to the plan, sat like a clam and absorbed every ounce of their anguish and tossed it toward the sky, green-mile style, on my way out. Isnt there a way to auto-pilot these pesky problems so they wont blow up in my face? My problem is that Im so determined not to disappoint that I unleash all the biggest most seemingly helpful dogs all at once and hope none of them have rabid contractions. In short, I drove myself crazy worrying about their happiness and my abilities to help them achieve it while they probably dont give my second-rate efforts a second thought because that would just give them an extra emotion to deal with... sounds almost pompous, right? This is what Im plagued with every time I open myself up to something thats of no relevance to me... it encompasses my failure from that point on. My poor poor therapist has his work cut out for him, right? Because with every occasion, Im the last one to give up even when it seems Im the first one to give in, but none the wiser than the opposition wholl never know this much about me... these are tip of the iceberg of thoughts.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Jul 2014 20:27:44 +0000
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