So as you all know I have never truly been able to hold Jeremiah like a baby the vent tubing made it impossible! !! We were able to do a bit more once he got his trach but until he got his flex trach a week ago even holding him like a baby was hold but today even tho I couldnt turn him on his belly and put him on my chest I was able to sit him just right for him to have his ear over my heart so he could hear it beat.... you never know what something means until you cant do it! So to all you mommys who can pick your baby up & hold them close do!!!! Because one day youll wanna hold them like that again and they will be all grown up :( I love Jeremiah with all my heart and you all know that! But I do feel robbed of really truly being his mom and him being robbed of truly being a baby :( I want to hold Jeremiah and cuddle him like a baby I want to lay him on my chest and fall a sleep but I have to except the fact that this most likely will never happen for us and as much as that hurts I have to learn and do the other things I can do with him and enjoy those! With that being said after Monday night I will not be able to hold Jeremiah again until God knows when :( because Tuesday morning I must put on my brave face kiss my son and see him off to the OR where he will be for just about the whole day :( I dont know how to do this because I know all to well the risk that come from this surgery and I am terrified!!!!!! For the mothers who have done this time after time God Bless You! Because handing your baby off to a surgeon is the hardest thing I have ever in my 24 years of life had to do! With that being said never ever take the small things for granted because in the end thats what turns out to be the biggest memorys!!!!! I love you Jeremiah! I am Proud to call you my son! You are my Super Hero! #PrayForJeremiah! #NicuMom! #OEISMommy!!!! #SpecialNeedsMom #LoveMySon!!!!! #NotReadyForThis :( #2DaysBeforeSurgery! #PROUDMom!
Posted on: Sun, 09 Nov 2014 02:39:23 +0000
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