So, chapter one in the (completely fake) book Im writing about how to cure yourself of chronic messiness is familiar to you if you follow me on my personal page. Its all about developing a good solid fear of rats. Not mice, mind you. Rats. The big guys. Did you ever see that 90s TV movie with giant rats falling out of mans ceiling? Hold that in your mind at all times. Forget zombie apocalypse. Rats are here already, and they are looking for your leftovers. Chapter two is more difficult because its an unpopular concept: working hard. What I have realized is that you must constantly clean in order to have a clean house. My mother would pick up every stray string or paper corner or bobby pin or crumb the moment she spotted it. Be like that. Dont leave it, or else RATS. This chapter also contains a secret formula I have developed especially for my fellow mamas. The number of children you have is equal to the number of times you must clean your kitchen and mop your floor per day. If additional children visit your house, increase the frequency accordingly. This is non-negotiable, no matter the ages, unless of course you want to clean more often than the number of children, in which case you probably wont need to be reading my book. The third chapter is still in the outline stage. In it, we move on from the kitchen and into toilets and garbage. These work best with well-designed systems, ease-of-reach cleaning products, and my personal favorite: delegation. Laundry is covered in chapter four. Success hinges on having very few clothes per person, only one sheet per bed, and three towels maximum for the house. This way, you are forced to wash often, fold, and return to drawers with painful speed. It will be a brutal surprise to discover how fast you can actually empty a hamper. My book isnt about being perfect, though. There will be times when you fall off the wagon, and thats okay. I include a handy checklist at the back of the book for those days when the place is a wreck, and you have company coming in ten minutes. Shove all clothing underneath bed, wipe bathroom counter with bath towel in large sweeping motions, hide all dirty dishes inside oven... In my system, we forgive ourselves for falling short, and we believe in a fresh start every morning. Theres always another chance to have a clean house, right? Unless you attract rats. Then youll have to move.
Posted on: Sat, 27 Sep 2014 19:18:50 +0000