So earlier on yesterday morning, after my mom and I selected the urn where my Queequegs ashes will be placed in after her cremation, my mom and I decided to get our minds off of our loss for a little while by going to Marshalls just to stroll. It seemed to be divine intervention or something. We somehow ended up in the doggie aisle and my sorrow came back in full force. I left the aisle and found my mom in the Christmas aisle. While there, a Christmas jingle came on the overhead and I only realized then that the tune that I always sang to Queequeg either the first thing in the morning or whenever I was looking for her came from that song. I immediately started to cry and had to sit down to compose myself. My version of the song I sang to Queequeg went: Where is my doggie? Where is my doggie? Where is my doggie doggie doggie doo doo? Then she would come walking over to me in an almost tip toe-ing fashion and immediate affectionate petting would proceed. I decided to try to find my mom again when I noticed this pretty plaid knit object that I thought was a scarf, but it turned out to be a doggie sweater. I couldnt believe it. I started to ball again. We were talking about buying her sweaters for when she came home after receiving her grooming on Saturday because she would be cold from not having her usual fur to protect her. Of course I had to get out of there. But then all of a sudden, I smelt her. It was so overwhelmingly powerful that my heart started to break all over again. It was as if she had come to me after singing the song in my head over and over. My mom then asked me what had happened to me, so I told her what I had experienced. She said that it was probably Queequeg saying goodbye to me. It was also approximately the time when they were cremating my baby. Then earlier on this evening, I thought I heard a snorting noise, like the one Queequeg used to make when she had a hard time breathing, or what I called her doggie asthma. Now, I finally found out the name of the song after searching all night. It just hurts so much. The pain is unbearable.
Posted on: Tue, 19 Nov 2013 08:31:00 +0000
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