So every few months I start to get into a bit of a funk . the difference now however compared to the years before is...I can recognize it now for what it is so Im not deep into it when I finally decide to look inside at it and deal with it AND Im very thankfully now that its usually very short lived compared to hanging on for weeks and turning into a deep depression as it use to years ago . Its a deep seated anger I seem to hold on too ,no reason for it or trigger and I cant seem to ever pin-point the origin, but its there never the less and its so bothersome to me now because its not who I am anymore and Ive worked hard to let that part of me ,my life , my past go , and in doing so Ive CHOSEN a different view point or perspective that serves my higher good and forward movement instead of keeping me in a lower vibration and stagnant. Its just frustrating to find myself with these feelings that no longer serve me and feeling falsely that they are me and or control whats happening to me. that only leads to me falling down if I let them linger so. I only share this because I know pretending on the outside doesnt work . I share when I go thru these periods because I know others go thru it as well and it doesnt help thinking falsely that everyone else is ok so your just crazy or any other destructive labels people like to place on themselves with self bashing . I know because I have become a master at being hard on myself HA. Im not always Ok and thats ok and you know what no one is always OK no matter what they try to portray and thats ok too! What I do know is that because I have found my voice and I do speak up when bumps appear in my road and because I have been open to different view points and listening to what feels good and right for ME my funks are very few and far between now ,I smile more genuinely and often then I ever have and Im not afraid to make myself happy first and make those scary giant leaps of faith to make it change happen, knowing it will be hard work and slow but well worth it! Opening myself to possibilities instead of closing the door because of what ifs? Because I know WITHOUT a doubt not even a inch that good will always come out of the bad in life! And yes even with all my positivity and light I bring forth , bad does and will happen I just choose not to live there :) And slowly that deep anger that keeps poking at me will diminish its just a reminder I just have a little more work to do and that happily more changes are coming for me . Its OK to feel this way even if right now I dont understand why, because if I keep moving up ,someday that darkness will be long gone and only light will remain! Now I dont know if I just went on this word bender (sorry not sorry) because I needed a reminder or if someone else did but I feel better now so thanks for listening
Posted on: Sat, 08 Nov 2014 21:58:56 +0000
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