So for everyone who has been following this page, here is the short version of my deconversion from Christianity ;-) If you are also an ex-Christian, please feel free to share your story below. So I basically realized that prayer is futile. And even the times where my prayers were answered, there was always that one, small thing which could have made the whole thing circumstantial. After seeing so many countless prayers go unanswered, and having grown fed-up with always searching for the fault / blame on my side, I made a cold decision to blame God for an unanswered prayer for the first time. And once I allowed my mind the luxury of entertaining that one, single, blasphemous thought, I shortly thereafter allowed my mind to start asking all sorts of other questions as well. I also started entertaining skepticism and doubt pertaing to EVERYTHING I had ever been taught about God, as well as towards the Bible. And what amazed me the most during all of this, was the blatant lack of interest God showed in winning me back. A scary thought suddenly crossed my mind: I had been at this cross road before. Countless times actually. But every single time before this one, I had allowed FAITH to convince me there had to be a reason why my prayer hadnt been answered. God probably had something better in store for me, or He was delaying the answer to my prayer for a good reason. But the fault was NEVER with Him. This time, however, it was different. Now, staring at my situation without my faith lenses, I realized that if I were God, and I had a son whose daughter lay dying in a hospital, and he asked me to heal her (which of course is well within my power, because I am God), I would have healed her in a heart beat, especially since love is kinda my thing. And it struck me like a bolt of lightning there and then, that I had been allowing confirmation bias to lead me by the nose. I had read whatever the outcome of any of my circumstances were, as being Gods answers to my prayers. For some unknown reason, I was suddenly able to see how ignorant that was... I realized then that either: 1) If God existed, he was not involved in His creation. 2) If God existed, he was not the God of the Bible, because he didnt fulfill the promises made by the God of the Bible 3) If God existed, I had no way of proving that he exists 4) There was a strong possibility that God doesnt actually exist. The wheels completely came off in literally a few days after that. The doctors managed to save my little girls life (no thanks to God) and I resolved to find evidence of Gods existence from that day on, something which I unfortunately gave up on when I started digging into the history of the Bible, the church, the similarities between Jesus Christ and the prophets and heroes from myriads of other pagan religions (which it appeared he had simply been copied from), and most importantly, allowing common sense and logic to guide my thoughts and decisions instead of faith. Probably most important of all, was to have the courage to follow where the evidence (or lack thereof) was taking me. That, in a nutshell, is the short version of my deconversion. ;-)
Posted on: Sat, 11 Oct 2014 22:41:06 +0000
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