So, for the first time in a while, its not just FP smoochies the human will be getting for Christmas and therefore the human wants mistletoe. Having scoured the countryside for a suitable tree, she finds one in the corner of our field and arrives with a penknife. First issue: its a good 10 metres up. No problem says the human, Ill climb. Second issue: the human is not 12 any more and can barely get one leg in the first branch. Progress is woefully slow. This is interesting viewing and I arrive at the bottom of the tree to watch. She is soon in the shape of a starfish and the language is getting colourful. After a painful haul through the branches, the human reaches the mistletoe with a triumphant cry of GOTCHA and proceeds to try and hack a decent lump off the tree. The penknife is blunt and the language deteriorates further. Eventually, she has a handful which she lobs to the ground where it is immediately trodden on by yours truly. The human heaves an exasperated sigh and gets to work on a second gathering which she tucks into her belt and considers her route out of the tree. It is now quite apparent that the human is stuck. Progress downwards is non existent and instead she appears to just be climbing round the trunk in several directions. The audience now consists of me and the entire herd of Llamas in the next field and the language is now at basement level. At this point, the human arrives at what she considered a genius solution. Human: Ahaaaa, I have pony treats in my pocket *rattles the bag* Me: Ahaaaaa, you have pony treats. Show me the pony treats. Human: Just come and stand over here would you. My foot can just about reach your bottom and it would help me out of this tree if I could balance on you. Me: Cough up a treat or two and I might consider it. Human: Here you are, now just a fraction closer. Thats it! DONT MOVE. Me: I wont. Keep the treats coming. There is a noise like a bomb landing and SFP arrives at warp speed having heard the rattle of the treats, knocking me out of the way. The human, who has one leg on me and one leg still in the tree has no chance and there is a horrible cracking of branches and an even worse tearing of trousers noise. The human ends up in a splat shape in the mud and the treats cover a 50 metre radius while the mistletoe ends up in the Llamas field and is immediately decimated. I think the human is going to buy plastic mistletoe from the supermarket....
Posted on: Sun, 21 Dec 2014 12:52:27 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015