So i talked to Mary about the break through i had - and she evidently is having the same thing happen to her [Sunday] - like all these memories are coming out of her... that Trip did to be horrible. My thing is - it was the memory of the memory that i didnt know i didnt remember... Now im wondering - what else could he have done? How did i repress that? Its so surreal because honestly - i didnt know i forgot it. I kept thinking the past year - why was i protecting Greg? Why didnt i tell anyone? I think the first person i told was Lori - after she gave me the date of their engagement. Now im just wondering what else possibly happened that disappeared. How did that happen? If anything else happened outside of the handful of physical assaults - i dont recall. Im shaking my head wondering how - i lost so much time. Did i do that to survive? How did i cope - or was this the only way i could cope? I lost that memory. I remember my priest asking if could stay - and i remember shaking. I remember my stomach tying in knots and i wanted to puke and telling him i really didnt think i could... i would try - but i didnt think i could. That was late 2012 or was it 2013? UGH the times and the dates are all confused. I recall camp - which was a month later... i recall staying up all night drinking with Eva. I dont recall telling her... but Greg was so angry - and honestly i have no clue why...did something happen i dont remember?? I mean i woke up - he was so angry his eyes could have shot bullets out of them. He was by the tent and i came out of the camper. I remember not caring if he was with John and Kathy... [the slut] - in fact i wanted him to stay there... Now im getting frustrated... I lost time - i buried myself in gardening, kids, and internet. I spent hours in the winter of early 2013 - hours combing sites for flowers - and seeds. I did almost nothing else. I talked on the phone with friends... And i asked all my friends this past year if i ever mentioned Greg choking me... and everyone was shocked. Donna asked why i kept it from her..i didnt really know. There are just some things - you cannot answer. Like when my friend asked last year - i was completely baffled... i really gave a stupid answer. That blind sighted me. That question... somehow. Like - much later i realized how stupid it sounded. But the question needed an answer - in my head. If it wasnt for that one day - asking myself why i was shaking when he came home - while i was doing dishes - i dont think it would have ever come out. And yet - it seemed like i knew the whole time - but reflecting on the fact i told nobody - especially when i was searching for a way to get away from him when i spoke to my priest - you would think i would have mentioned it... Or the counselor. I know i didnt mention it and it wasnt as if i was hiding any of the abuse... i was letting it out but it was about the name calling...the severe anxieties i was dealing with. She quit counseling me when i was in another car accident in Aug... i believe 2012. Have to check my sons facebook... ------------------------- Greg Mitchell August 5, 2012 · Just 24 hours out of camp and I got into a severe car wreck. We hydroplaned right over the edge of a T intersection down over a bank. Luckily, everybody is mostly ok, but I was bleeding like crazy because my laptop literally blew up all over me when the airbag deployed. So now I gotta go laptop hunting again too. My mom is in the hospital overnight, her lungs might be bruised. My brothers got out with minor injuries from their seatbelts. ----------------------------- Actually we didnt hydroplane - i had no brakes. None. And the car picked up speed - from the 15 - 20 mph i slowed down to. It was mostly my ribs... now thats pain. And yet - somehow i knew that question asked - helped me see i was abused - but i knew i was - mentally - somehow tho - my memory soon came out because i was reflecting on the question - alot. I kept wondering why...indeed. Then when it hit me - when i remembered - i actually didnt realize i forgot. Life is really weird. Maybe coming from him - it was different? Most every one else - i shrugged and went on. I guess it was being baffled and saying something so stupid... its what they say... or something. :/ But it opened up things i didnt realize i repressed or suppressed, I dont think there was anything else - similar to my knowledge. So why didnt i blank out about when Jim was choking me? I dont recall if he tried to kill me other times...so much. Well maybe. The horrible memory of him punching my abdomen and losing my baby. [after losing the first one a couple months before] For a woman to lose her baby - its a very hard hit. Coward... Gene Henry went after him one night while all night fishing and the jerk hid behind me...! .. But Gene went after him because he knew Jim hit me. I dont know how - but he knew. Years and years - i blamed myself for all the times Greg cursed me, swore at me, called me every name possible, told me to drop dead, said i was unfit, etc etc... I have to undo the mental garbage... i was feeling ok earlier.. Now im kind of freaking out my memory disappeared for like 18 months of my life. Foggy period. I guess i felt so trapped...and last January - i cried the whole time i chopped my hair off... but i couldnt help myself. I hated him to my core. And the camping trip of 2012 or 2013 - one of them i dont really remember.. so i keep mixing up what happened when. But i have to remember - 2013 Alex bot the other camp site from John that John had Greg fix the water the year before - the same year he had hatred HATRED for me. Still dont know why - and had not my kids been at camp - his face - his attitude - im sure he probably would have tried it again. Im wondering if it was another woman - and he needed to get rid of me. so he fixed stuff up - cleared brush - - and other things - because Greg was hoping to buy it. Haha - jerk. ... John would have never sold that to Greg - he doesnt trust Greg. Kathy doesnt like him...[from what i could sense]. And i was correct.
Posted on: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 06:55:47 +0000
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