So in the end we must all come to terms with this one reality.... NOTHING happens in isolation. You may not see the link. You may not be joining the dots. But to your partner, there is a pattern. You thought you have done it, it has become and issue, you have settled it and you have both moved on. You think you have spoken your mind, had your argument and it is now settled. Yes you goofed, but he said its ok. She said she has forgiven you. Oh but that was a long time ago. Oh that was that one time I was bored...angry... lonely.... I did not understand it so I acted the way I did.... For you they are all independent issues. To your partner it is a patterned behaviour. You get upset when she always refers to issues that are long settled. You hate it when he always refers you to past mistakes. It says something, either you have not been forgiven, or they dont trust you have changed, or you have really not changed and therefore keep repeating that same thing or probably your current action always reminds them of things past. Do this; let your, I am sorry carry weight. Let your promises of change be evident in your actions thereafter. When issues come up and they get resolved, take emotions out and pick the lessons. Do not go with the view of having won or lost. Do not see it as a random act. See a pattern in your own behaviour so you can put yourself in check. In someones employment, you do not treat mistakes as random acts. Each mistake can cost you your job, hence the daily personal resolve to do better anytime you get off the hook. You make conscious effort to improve so there will be less confrontation with or queries from your superior. Do same for your relationship/marriage. The things that lead many people into infidelity or war of attrition inevitably leading to divorce are not the big catastrophic events, no. They are the little little things that we see as random and without pattern which get mapped out and lead to a decision as sad as bitterness or infidelity or divorce. When they start talking about it in the end, you may stare at them surprised at the passion in their voice, the shock at some of the issues you thought were petty or solved....Well at that moment, they may not even make sense or be able point to a single act...no; everything would be muddled up like a pond of water that bits and pieces of grains of sand have infiltrated over a long period of time. May you take strength from God to be mindful of your walk in your marriage and relationship and to help you attend it with the same seriousness and diligence as you would other endeavours of life. PG Sebastian. Visit my blog on pgpedia.org | LIKE my page PG Sebastian | Follow me on Twitter @PGpaedia | buy a copy of my book Our Thirty Little Busy Bees.
Posted on: Tue, 08 Apr 2014 19:49:59 +0000
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