So incredibly blessed... If you have seen me out lately you may be aware of one of my shoulders being lower than the other. I am not sure why, but my right shoulder hurts so bad that the only comfort I get is to let is sag. When I sleep I attempt to lay on my back and not my side, though I much prefer my side. When here at the keyboard I have to take my left hand and lift my right arm up to type. I have a patch that I wear to curb the pain and oral painkillers to assist when things get to be too much. I try not to use the pills because I like to (ahem, giggle) be in control. I also tend to lose my stomach contents at least once a week though I am not notably sick. It is not a nausea issue like I was dealing with, but it sure can be annoying because it gives a few seconds warning and then it is on. I am sitting here typing this and snickering with tears as a smile runs rampant across my face. It is just so wonderful to feel the pain and to recover from throwing up. My spirit is so high and I wonder why it would be any other way. There is an expectation of pain and hardship with cancer and I am no different. The way I deal with it is by sincerely letting go of it and letting God handle it. I mean, He is the dude that created everything and He knew me before I was (before I was born here on earth). He isnt worried about it, so why should I be? Sure, I am still berated with thoughts that are negative, but I understand that those are coming from outside my body. Inside I carry nothing negative. God took it all from me when I released it to Him. I called out to Him and admitted to being a bad person and asked Him to forgive me and to guide me. He said, OK... All I have to do is keep working hard for Him and acknowledge to Him that I am still a ding-dong and He has the rest. His expectations of me are pretty daggone high and that is awesome! I would never want to be associated with serving someone if there were low expectations placed on me. Perhaps that is a good test for all things in life. If there are no expectations placed on you by the person who says they love you, then perhaps they really dont. Perhaps they just tell you what you want to hear to keep you in a happy place. Perhaps they need to call you out from time to time (in the spirit of love) to remind you that you need discipline to build your character to become all you can be. I know that my parents accept me for who I am, but they have never hesitated to call me out when I needed correction or direction. My good bosses have called me out when I was wrong or needed a bit of help. My good relationships with people have always been honest, open, and eye-opening. I guess I drifted a bit, but you get the picture I am word-painting for you. Work hard, accept a little bit of pain, give advice and be willing to take and apply advice. God loves you! Did you know that?
Posted on: Thu, 09 Oct 2014 21:51:59 +0000
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