So its been a little over a month since Dave passed. It is so strange to say that and to know he isnt at the hospital and he Is really gone. I catch myself picking up the phone to call him and waking up in the middle of the night to check on him. I miss his voice, his sarcastic responses to my bossing him around and I miss his smile. I wake up each morning not knowing how my heart and mind will react for the day. One morning I can be up and productive while another I am sad and weepy. Drakes emotions come out more in waves of anger and frustration but we are just holding on. I think talking and writing about these last five years is certainly helping us heal. We started to redecorate this weekend and that has helped. So I will continue to share this month my journey with breast cancer. The last I wrote about was when I had the core biopsy in two areas and I was awaiting results. So the morning following my biopsy ( oct 30) I decide to go to work and push thru my fears. I am with my coworker Shea and we are working with a sweet little boy. My phone begins to ring and I recognize the number. Its the radiologist and she has my results. All 15 samples came back positive for cancer. What? How could this be? The next few hours are a blur. The dr asks me if I feel comfortable with her picking out the surgeon she would use if this was her. I agree and she says she will call me back bc she is going to get me in. there ASAP and I need a breast MRI to see if there are other areas etc. Shea is in shock with me and makes sure I am ok to drive home. I drive and begin calling people. Dave is the first and he was actually at an appt at MUSC. He tells me later that he cried in the drs office and they all consoled him. I also hear back from the radiologist. She has an appt the next morning for me at Roper for a breast MRI and then I am to go and see the breast surgeon Dr Hawk. My sister without a hesitation along with my parents will accompany me to the appts. Fast forward to the appt with Dr Hawk. He is looking over my MRI and my entire left breast is covered with what they consider DCIS which is a non invasive form of breast cancer. Meaning it has not broken out of the ducts yet ( well so they think) he feels that it could have been growing for the past two years! The entire left breast has to go...that is not a choice. I do have a choice if I want to keep the right one. I leave the office in a daze and head home to take care of my husband who is considered stable in terms of his cancer but still has so many other health issues going on. I am given an appt with my future plastic surgeon and told to think about if I want a single or bilateral mastectomy. It is presumed from everyone involved that if I have the mastectomy that I will not need any treatment afterwards bc it looks like it is all contained. However, It is later that we discover after surgery that my cancer has broken out of the breast ducts and entered one lymph node. That changes everything! More to come!!!! The picture below was after my bilateral mastectomy and was taken by my wonderful friend and photographer Rachel Weber.
Posted on: Mon, 13 Oct 2014 02:36:01 +0000
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