So its been too quiet. I seemed to have lost October all together on here. Not sure really what to post. Still getting my bearings with this whole thing. Figuring out what to say, how to say it. So I guess what I want to say tonight, or rather talk about is scars. For me, Ill sit and Ill roll my sleeves up if its warm. Ill laugh and Ill joke. Ill forget that I have them until they catch my eye and I feel sick. Sick with guilt and with disgust. I want nothing more than to rip my sleeve back down but I know that would draw attention so I wait for a few minuets then do it. Other times Ill be going round shops and Ill see nice tops and pretty dresses that I like but then I find myself feeling hopeless, feeling that sickening guilt and realisation that I cannot wear them. That it would be pushing it just to much to abandon my sleeves all together. Some times I even wonder, Whats the point? Id ask myself, over and over. Why should I keep myself clean when Ive already made the mess. Then I realise that I have something now that makes me strong. A women that I love that reminds me to be strong and tells me Im beautiful, scars and all. Im also hoping to speak with a tattoo artist soon with a design Ive created from various bits too see if I can get a tattoo done to cover the worst of the scaring on my upper arm. Im hopeful that it can go ahead, but all the same I know not to get to hyped up over just incase. Fingers crossed. And I promise to try and post more on here. And remember, to all of you. If you ever need a friend or to talk you can post in the comments or message me. Im always happy to lend and ear.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Nov 2013 23:27:33 +0000