So, it’s Friday, the first Friday of the New Year, and it’s been an eventful few days. If I explained to you even one of the monumental events that took place since the last one of these missives, you probably would think I was a bit kooky. But, I’ll give it a shot. Here it is: So, this strangely dressed, overweight, but seemingly jolly old guy, with a beard (maybe OCD. I mean, rumor has it he keeps this long list, and keeps checking it – twice.) and carrying a large sack, quietly sneaks into my house without me knowing. He eats some of my food, wanders about the house, and then, instead of filling his empty sack with all of my stuff and leaving, he instead empties his full sack of new stuff on my living room floor in a big pile, near a seasonal plant I have in the corner. He then putters around the fireplace, fondles some stockings we had left out and shakes some sort of bells just loud enough to make my nerves jingle. Then he sneaks out, leaving his footprints on the floor, muttering something about these 3 hot chicks he was supposed to meet (at least that’s what I assume he meant when I heard, “Ho-Ho-Ho” in my sleep), and he quietly shut the door with what I could only imagine was a glint in his eye. I mean really, it was a good thing I was mostly asleep and dreaming this really weird dream involving some dancing candied fruit. I awoke just in time to see him jump on his sleigh, which is really crazy because there was no snow (and really, who rides a sleigh these days? I mean it was almost as if it was all make-believe.), but at least his team of reindeer went a long way in explaining the curious pile(s) of poop littering my front lawn. Needless to say, last Wednesday night into early Thursday morning contained more than a bit of excitement. I decided, after about a second of deliberation and checking out the enormous pile he left in the living room (which most likely have been seized as evidence, and where is the fun in that?) not to involve the police. After all, I ended up with more stuff than I started out with, and really, who would’ve believed me anyway? Then there was this Wednesday night. Did anyone else have visions of this little chubby baby, wearing only a cloth diaper, a top hat, and a commemorative sash? He was blowing a noise maker, tossing confetti, and quite frankly, I thought he was going to drop a load right there in my living room at about the exact same spot where that overweight bearded guy emptied his sack. No? Then it must have been the gin. In any case, that kid seemed to show-up at just about the same moment as the clocks struck mid-night. Must have been a coincidence. So there we are. What else? Resolution(s): did you make any? Maybe to become more resolute? More importantly, after 1 day, is that resolution(s) still intact? No worries, you only have yourself to blame. Football: was it me and my family, or were there other households who had the television for over 12 hours? Thanks goodness for a roaring fireplace, a large sofa, an assortment of blankets, a nearby refrigerator, a bride who made homemade green chile stew, and a store selling supplies that could be travelled to, shopped, stood in line at, and travelled from, all in less time than it takes two men dressed in incongruous 3-piece suits, sporting the ESPN influenced spread-collared patterned shirts, and bright ties with a large Windsor knots (it might be just me, but I am so a four-in-hand guy, just sayin’), to recap what we just witnessed, throw some stats at us, and let us know what could be possibly in store for the exciting second-half. By the way, both of them will also be holding a pen in one of their emphasis gesticulating hands as per instructed during their Sport Broadcasting 101 class. Not to mention the fact that I/we are now able to recite the entire Buick/Northwestern Mutual/All State/Taco Bell/Jack-In-The-Box TV spot canon from memory. Shopping: well, that burden is on you. Eating: just the right amount of everything, modified by taking one more additional bite just to be sure you have enough to sustain you through the long winter. Drinking: yeah, I know, you’ve got that well-covered. Just confirming that it was an item on your list. Well, that’s it for today. Oh, there is one resolution that I assume you re-up each year – coasters baby, coasters. Until next week.
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 22:37:21 +0000
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