So, my mom has been going through such an emotional roller coaster these past 19 months. She is such a trooper. I admire her for her strength and endurance. And when she breaks (and believe me...SHE DOES), she even does that with sincere class but at the same time, I hurt WITH AND FOR her. Saying good bye to your home of 54 years, a final farewell to so many fond memories you have made, to years of hoarding, er um, collecting things (Sorry Mom), keeping every single letter from your family in Austria, cards from Daddy and us kids, to report cards, every macaroni drawing us kids, grandkids, and great grand kids have ever done, etc...has got to go! So I am going to NY and help her on my end as my brother can only do so much. He has been nothing but beyond wonderful but I think his patience may just wear out when it comes to going through her 4 CLOSETS of clothes she will need to sift out from 40 years of hoarding...uh hmmm..collecting! (Again, Sorry Mom.) In all honesty, this will not be an easy trip for me. It is the final goodbye to THIS HOME until the final destination is arranged. While purchasing my ticket, a rush of excitement ran through me! I remembered that feeling of going home...and then it HIT me. I may be going home, but Its not the home I had since my dads passing. At this time, almost 19 months later after my daddy died, I envisioned me being better, happier, a bit at peace. I still feel like that frightened, lost, little girl who misses her father SO MUCH with deep grief and pain. A tear is shed still daily. I look at some of his things that I took on last visit...his shirts, socks, oriental collection ~ all things that remind me of him where I can see it, have his scent ~ I took his roll on patchouli which was his favorite scent and very sparingly smell it so I can preserve it and its scent as long as possible. My dad and I are so alike in many ways..its like he is still here with me. And then in October at our Street Fair, I saw a man who looked exactly like him. I had to take a double take and I immediately lost it and could move a step further. As I was finishing up my ticket purchase, my excitement was oddly there and yet, at the same time, there was sadness. And I heard my dads voice in my head saying: CHEER UP, Kid - Life is never easy....and then I would get the I love you sign in sign language which is one of our family traits to do. I remember him doing that so vividly in my mind.....Youre Still here.... youtu.be/2yBvuuAyn6s
Posted on: Wed, 21 Jan 2015 00:54:33 +0000
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