So..this is kinda hard to put on Fb but..what do I NOT put on fb right? Lol. Im going to do so for good reason though. Yesterday, after learning the chance of having to go back to PICU, as well as the possibility of staying for days longer, I became pretty upset. The room began to feel as if it were closing in on me. I began having overwhelming thoughts and feelings that I couldnt gain control of. I was suddenly burdened with financial fears, how wed continue to live from the hospital, how my mother is doing with all of this, and especially how my boys were dealing with it all. The last time I saw either of them, how theyre holding up from it all, having to live alone right now...I literally began to feel as if I were suffocating. Then My son Brett called, and had been doing work for others to try and earn money to have someone bring them here to be with us. After I hung up with him, I just cried. I started thinking of how he was suddenly jolted from his sleep to witness his brother in a seizure, something none of us had seen before, communicate with 911, see his brother taken away by ambulance and then left all alone to deal with what he just saw. I felt horrible for him and began sobbing uncontrollably in the emergency room. I didnt realize it, but I had been suffering an anxiety attack since earlier that morning when the Drs first came in with the less than good news. I was embarrassed, but not in the slightest way made to feel judged for it. Two beautiful ladies, one a nurse, the other a social worker, embraced me, reassured me, and allowed me to release all of the emotions Id held in since Monday. The Dr put me on Adavan, which Im not familiar with but can tell has helped me tremendously. I was able to sleep and relax my mind finally. Today I feel normal again and am so thankful for the help they gave me. Sometimes even the toughest moms can get enough. Matt McMullen, I still cant thank you and Staci enough for springing to action for my boys. As soon as Matt saw what had happened he scooped up Brett and Jonah and spent the day with them to get their minds off of all the commotion. They also pitched in without question by making sure Brenden got to and from work all week. I got to know Matt when he drove to St Louis for Bretts tumor surgery last year, and he and Staci have proven to be genuine friends and leaders to my boys. Also, Matt has been the only positive male role in their life until recently when Gene returned to them. Now they are moving away, and I think Im the most sad! Youll forever hold a place in our lives for your Godly influence and friendship. Thank you Jonah, Cj and Frankie for sticking by Brett, and Michael for sticking by my Brenden. Youve all been the support they needed thru this. Since the last update, we have been given good news..Carsons bp is holding consistent enough that if it continues we will be outta here tomorrow! Praise God! We are so ready! Thanks for never leaving us friends, and for praying us through this week! I love each and every one!
Posted on: Sun, 20 Jul 2014 17:58:39 +0000
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