So, this may sound strange but...it feels so good to pay the bills and pay off old debts. Not that Im having a confetti party when taxes are due or blasting off a balloon brigade when I pay the VISA. Its not that fun. But, Ive always struggled with unnecessary spending and have made very VERY bad choices in the past. Those of you who know me from years ago can attest to my poor spending habits. It was a running joke that I was the one who spent the most at scrapbook stores or on clothes...and in some weird way I took pride in that. My theory had always been get what I want, then pay the bills with absolutely nothing to show for savings. I was the epitome of the expression, Money is burning a hole in her wallet. I still struggle with spending, thats a deep seating thing, a little mini-beast thats always struggling to break free. At mid-life, I am reaping the consequences of what I have sown and it is very hard to mop up bad credit and climb that mountain of debt. But Im doing it. Slowly, but surely whittling away so the mountains have been paired down to hills. I dont want my son to pay the price for my poor planning - thats just not fair. And I want to be a role model for him in that regard; who better do we learn from than those who we model? But heres the thing. I dont think Ill ever be over that feeling of wanting to buy something. I still struggle with seeing something and having to squash that immediate feeling of But it will make me FEEL better if I just have it.... or but I NEED that! This was very evident in my first years of homeschooling. I felt like I had to buy every curriculum, every book or kit that popped up in my line of sight. Id be a better teacher if I just had (fill-in-the-blank) curriculum, or so I thought. Then Id put it on Josh - but he NEEDS that for his schooling!! Id say over and over. No. He did not. And most of that stuff is now shamefully gathering dust on the shelves. Its been years of bad habits so I figure it will take years of good habits to overcome that. BUT, it feels good to think twice about buying something I dont need. It feels good to make the choice to pay a bill over spending money on some useless something Im not even going to use... it is empowering to me to be able to say I DONT need it, and walk away. JUST walk away. Something I had never been able to do in the past before. It just feels good to make better choices. Maybe its not too late for me to be a grown up after all. Maybe, just maybe..Ill make a good one ;) Oh, I paid the bills and (bonus points for myself) finished my Christmas shopping within the budget. GO ME!
Posted on: Wed, 03 Dec 2014 15:14:13 +0000
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