So today I am struggling a lot, which may seem strange because yesterday I was totally in control and positive. But thats just it...positivity and control are tools to me...as you guys may or may not know, I struggle with my mental health, Mental health is a term that scares people a lot because it conjures up imagines of guys bouncing of walls and being violent and generally terrifying. However did you know that 1 in 4 people will suffer from some form of mental health issue in the course of a year? And that mixed anxiety and depression are the most common mental health issues in the uk? Its dead easy to educate yourself...google mental health uk and boom, now you know...and as GI Joe said...knowing is half the battle. Now most of you know me and also know that I have pretty much got this whole thing on lockdown...Im not miserable to be around I still have a laugh and Im generally great to hang out with...I know how to joke, have fun and smile, but what most of you dont see is when I have to sit in my room most mornings and convince myself that its not wrong to be that way and that I am worth while as a person...you dont see the struggle that I have when I tackle the part of me that dosnt value himself and so would rather stay locked in his room! Which is fair enough...no one wants to see that and its not like anything can be done about it...its my choice to self cope, its my choice I dont use meds because its my personal struggle...what I do find helpful is being open honest and courageous about it, things my job has certainly helped me achieve. I often post statuses about how I feel, what Im going through and why...news flash...its all for me haha...I find it hugely cathartic to do this, it helps me off load some of that bad juju as it were. What I find amazing is the help and support I get from my friends...they do things just because they know it will help me, they message me sometimes just to check Im ok...Im not even sure they are aware how much they do it but I love them for it, they are simply amazing people. My peers at work also do amazing things to help me stay positive and develop personally and professionally which is a massive help toward the maintenance of my self worth. My self worth or lack of it is what strongly affects my anxiety...but it is rooted in my depression, so you see one issue antagonises the other which means coping is hard. My self worth is is generally quite low because I feel unattractive, incapable and like I am a let down. I have had success at tackling in capability by proving myself professionally, and Im working on the others...Ive have come to the conclusion that tackling my anxiety is the best approach to dealing with my depression and so thats what Im trying today. Basically all this is, is a bit of writing to burn up some of that negative shit, it may not be cohesive or indeed it may not make much sense to you and you may think I am a complete phreak now, well so what, its helped me and Im more important to me then your opinions are...something I have had to learn the hard way but that is none the less very true. I guess its almost a deceleration of war...Im drawing a line in the sand...this is where the real fight begins...I will conquer these issues, I know that a healthier happier me is just within reach and so I will fight off whatever is thrown my way and I will grasp that with both hands. Positivity is the key, with a healthy dose of fun in my case anyway. These are my tools and I hope you can understand now why I struggle and that there is a difference between being sad...and having depression. I dont want you to do anything different with me, all I ask is that you maybe learn a bit more...you may recognise people in your life that might need support in a different way... Mental health shouldnt be ignored, its a real problem and ignorance only exasperates the problem. People need to know its ok to have mental health issues and more importantly...its ok if they want to talk openly about it....Nuff said...Im outty... Lotsa love guys stay positive and remember. Its never wrong to chase the impossibility of a dream, because the journey is what rewards you!
Posted on: Thu, 31 Oct 2013 10:54:57 +0000