So today was a better day. I thought about life, my family and the things that were immediately in front of me. I think this process or journey is a day at a time. If I think to far ahead then I become overwhelmed with the what ifs. If I think about the past it becomes a magnet that tries to pull me back, not that I could or would go back, but it keeps me in the same spot. It seems the pull toward my future must be stronger than the pull from the past. My past is my past and I dont belong there anymore, nor would Brenda want me to live in continued grief and mourning. Dont get me wrong Im still grieving and mourning the loss of my bride, but that grief cannot put the brakes on my life. I must walk into whatever The Lord has for me in my immediate future and whatever long term He has for me. God is good and full of mercy and grace. When my heart is overwhelmed the scriptures say to lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. Its interesting that the writer says lead me, to the Rock and that Rock is higher than me. If I look down I have a wrong perspective, but if I look up toward Him my perspective changes. Its all Him in this journey, I have my part of course, to listen and to follow. To allow Him to be the lifter of my head. My head has been turned most days every way except toward Him. He has my life in His hands and Im not strong enough, nor brave enough to jump or step out of His care. I pray daily, God let me get through this day, give me your grace and mercy to make it. He does, even when I think I cant, it seems He gives me the strength to go another minute, hour, day and then a month, but its those moments between the minutes, hours, days and months that are the challenges. Thats when its the roughest, thats when total dependence on Him is all I have. Thats all I have any way, but thats when I feel unless God You help me, I wont make it. But I do and Im thankful for that. Love you Babe, Ill see you soon.
Posted on: Tue, 25 Nov 2014 05:57:30 +0000
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