So um, this is random. *** There will be days you miss him so bad it will hurt your chest. There will be days you wish things had turned out differently, that youd said something different. There will be days when your fingers will itch to send him that one message. Then there will be days you will try to convince yourself that its okay. That you can make it. That its not your fault. And then there will be other days you will spend all your time wondering what else you couldve done and how you couldve avoided this and how things mightve turned out then. There will be days when in blissful moments of stupendous joy, you will boisterously try to convince yourself that you never needed him anyway-that its on him and youre not responsible. But then the nights will come and you will instantly take back every mean thing you said because youd go that for to be with him and make things normal again. Days when you think youre over him. That you can somehow manage to survive. And just when you think youre managing perfectly fine, there will be this one tiny insignificant thing that will bring back all the memories that youve been trying so hard to not remember. And suddenly youre all alone in a room full of people. For a moment youd even take out your phone to text him but suddenly there;s a prick in your heart and your realize you cant. There will be moments. Saint like, kindly, judgemental, optimistic, mainly self depreciative. And there will be moments when you cant decide if you should get over him or not, because everytime you try to, it is such an incredibly futile attempt. Because you never can actually end up doing that. And there will be this one moment, singularly the worst compared to others, where you will brush away you tears, take a deep breath and tell yourself: its all your fault and you deserve this because you did this to yourself. He probably doesnt even care about you anymore. And then you will put on your brave face, smile and pretend it doesnt hurt one bit when someone else mentions them or their name comes up in daily conversations, all while your memories and your cravings burn you down.
Posted on: Sun, 26 Oct 2014 16:58:04 +0000
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