So, was listening to this guy who claims he has no idea why his wife left him. As I continued to listen, I came to the following conclusion: THIS MALE IS THE BIGGEST MORON IN LONDON. I listen to/read from a number of men who have happy relationships and marriages that have stood the test of time. One of the things that ALL of them have said is, I am there. I am present. I am available when the woman I love, needs me. I am not just there, physically. I am THERE. I make sure she doesnt feel uncovered and unprotected, that she is compelled to go to another dude for something that Ive already got. Ive spoken to a number of men, who were too careless to see that a woman had left them, till she physically packed her bags, stopped taking their calls or just married someone else. Ive seen a number of couples, where the woman is in the process of leaving and the man is too blind to see. And Im thinking, Are you kidding me? HOW on earth can you not see? A few years ago, I had to tell a guy, No woman just stands up and leaves. She leaves before she leaves. She didnt leave you when she packed her bags; thats the final stage. The fact that you didnt even notice when she started the process of leaving, proves that she was right to leave - you dont care. And thats an insult. But tomorrow when youre whining, youll say I dont know what happened. Everything was going well and I just woke up one day and she just left. I dont know what I did wrong. With some guys, I have to ask, HOW did she leave you and you didnt notice till it was too late? Ive always said, Keep her talking. As long as a woman is talking to you, there is hope. The hope might be very small, but its there. She might be saying things in anger, fear, love, whatever - if shes talking, youre kinda OK. When a woman stops talking to you, you are in deeper sh*t than you realize. Guys, you can testify to this right? When youre trying to woo/ask out a lady - you gather the liver, talk to her, say all thats on your mind and she just keeps quiet. She doesnt laugh, she doesnt shout, she doesnt reply, she cant even be bothered to work up that look of irritation/evil eye that we ladies sometimes give out, she doesnt even acknowledge that a human being has attempted any communication with her. She just carries on doing what she was doing, as if youre not even there. How does that feel? You see, youve not even registered in her radar at all. Youre that insignificant. So, when we talk to our friends (and believe me, we do) we dont even mention you. You are not worth mentioning. Oh, this is another thing - if her closest friends have never heard about you, you dont exist, to her. We dont talk to our friends about things that dont exist. (I see in a vision some guys looking through Facebook profiles and phones of the women they think they are with, to ask the friends what the women have said about them. LOOOOL!) Why do you think that its any different when youre in a relationship or marriage? Especially when you know she is not a mute. If youve never heard her voice before, thats a different case. But a woman who can and does speak - especially when she usually talks about everything? You should be worried when the talking reduces. Please, forget Ne-Yos lyrics of I want a woman that wants me, not a woman that needs me because there is no such woman. She might not need your money - because shes got money of her own, or shes taking from some other guy (well, we know - these things happen) - but she needs you for something. It might be emotional or something else. But she has to need you, or she will leave. Guys, this is something that a lot of women dont have the balls to say to your face - if you make us believe that we can do without you, we will. If you think you have liver, ask the woman youre with, Why do you NEED me? What do I do for you, that no other man can? No, a number of men will have no nerve to ask this question; theyre probably afraid of what they will hear. Or worse, that there will be no answer. A man that we are not talking to, is a man that has (stupidly) made us realize how little we need him. If we dont need you, youre (starting to become) irrelevant. And if were not talking to you, it doesnt mean weve suddenly become mute. Its because were talking to someone else. Sometimes, that someone else is right under your nose. This is the main reason some women leave their husbands for a poorer man - the husbands driver, male PA, whatever. And sometimes, to really hurt you as you have hurt her - she will take your hard-earned money as shes leaving you for the other man. That other man was THERE, you werent. On her birthday, on your anniversary, when the kids were ill, when there was a crisis of some sort - you werent there. How did you think it got sorted? Shes not Superwoman. Another man was taking care of YOUR business. Or maybe she didnt even tell you, because she thinks, Whats he going to do? He doesnt care. When a woman gives a man a chance to be there for her/rescue her/whatever and he fails, a block goes up in her mind. On the block is written, in fast-drying cement, I cannot rely on this man. For some women, it takes a while for that block to go up; but at least a seed is sown. Thats why we can recount every way youve not delivered when you mess up again - its a skill that every woman possesses. We can tell you how many birthdays you missed, how many anniversary parties you were late, and what we were wearing when you missed your first childs immunization (that first child is now 15 years old, you have three other children now, and whatever we were wearing at that immunization has gone out of fashion). Women are WIRED to desire SAFETY, SECURITY and STABILITY. We naturally gravitate towards men who make us believe that he can and will provide these. Sometimes, money provides these - thats the real reason some women marry for money. No, I have not advocated this (you are on your own - especially if you wind up with an armed robber, oil bunkerer or someone who will be a permanent guest of EFCC/Interpol/MI5 because you went a-marrying for money). Listen to EVERY woman who is genuinely happy in a relationship or marriage. She says, He makes me feel SAFE. It doesnt matter how able the woman is, in her own right. No, we didnt all have a meeting and decide, This is what we will say about men. There is a reason that women of different cultures, colors, educational qualifications and on various rungs of social ladders say that feeling SAFE and SECURE is very important. That is because it just is. If she has never said so, or has stopped saying so - you are in trouble. The one that truly baffles me is when a man doesnt realize that something is wrong when a woman stops asking about the things that are important to him. Truth is - unless something has gone seriously wrong with a woman somewhere, we have this pathological need to NURTURE. Its like a progressive disease; no, I am not joking. No, Im not saying every woman wants to be biological (or other kind of) mother. Thats very different - because truth is, not every woman wants to be a mum. But we nurture; we cannot help it. If we like you, we want to know whether youve eaten, how work is going, how your mother is doing, stuff thats important to you. For those of us who pray, we want to know what/who to pray about and what kind of prayer to pray. We want to know whos hurting or helping you, so that we can ... (OK, you dont really need to know what we do). Why do you think we hate your ex whom weve never even met - yes, the same one who hurt you? We nag when you havent eaten because well, if you ate when you were supposed to, we wouldnt need to repeat ourselves (in a slightly higher, more hysterical voice) and you wouldnt claim that we nag. A woman whos not asking these questions is either leaving you, or has already left. Theres a reason she has left - she doesnt believe youre worth it. You have disappointed and hurt her way too many times with your lack of presence. BE THERE, or you will be replaced. Its really that simple. -Chi-Chi Nnani-
Posted on: Mon, 07 Jul 2014 10:09:10 +0000
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