Some people had a plan. Some had one from the start. I never did; I never felt the need for one. Either that or I never found the means by which to formulate one that I found to be satisfying in all regards. Id always just built a skeletal scaffolding in my mind and filled in the spaces with experience as I went along, plodding carefully through life. I watched in a certain guarded bewilderment in the Build-An-American-Dream-Workshop of late high school as those around me concocted some path to follow from the pieces offered to them. Some even followed all the way through college, somehow, to achieve varying levels of success. Many others struggle still to find a remotely viable path. College was a social club for me; a social club that taught me some valuable life lessons, a couple clever brush strokes, the right way to hold the pencil... I chose art because I never knew what I really wanted. Maybe I was taken back by the vast multitude of possible pathways I could take, maybe I just wanted to experience life as it came... maybe I truly, truly do not care. I suppose I should feel privileged to have all these options and opportunities laid before me, and I do, but for some reason that still hasnt been enough. Theres no easy path upward, and if the arbitrary monetary drains and restrictions placed upon you every day arent enough to dishearten you, then the many insidious and soul-draining ways to climb the flesh-laden ladder to success might be enough to. One of the main reasons this apathy grips me is because I do not foresee a bright future for this race. The possibilities are all there, but the probabilities are all systematically annihilated by money and other forms of greed, the world-round. It drives a man to not care. I am not depressed, but I am certainly, certainly crestfallen. Oh, itd be nice to blame the stars above or everybody else for my disposition, but ultimately, it all comes down to us, individually, the experiences that have brought us this far, and how we choose to spend the rest of our life sentence. I can honestly say I have spent much of my time wisely and well, with enrichment from and by the assistance of many loved ones, but... Its puzzling though: to still be so young and to have absolutely no direction.
Posted on: Tue, 18 Nov 2014 08:22:12 +0000
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