Something I put on my blog ages ago before Facebook.. Dear Dogs and Cats, When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by Bernie Ecclestone and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesnt help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. To pacify you, I have posted the following message on our front door..... Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our companion animals: 1. They live here. You dont. 2. If you dont want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my companion animal better than I like most people. 4. To you its an animal. To me he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesnt speak clearly. 5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, dont ask for money all the time, and are easier to train. They usually come when called, never drive your car, dont hang out with drug-using friends, dont drink or smoke, dont worry about buying the latest fashions, dont wear your clothes, dont need a gazillion euros for college, and dont make promises they cant keep.
Posted on: Sun, 31 Aug 2014 00:06:15 +0000
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