Sometimes I feel ominousness, there is this instinctive shrinking feeling when I am around such people who believe that they are very intelligent. I fear I might hurt them by my corny remark. I fear to even debate with them. I fear people who use strong and crude language with highly opinionated judgments. I dislike capital punishment. I feel like no one should kill another person or another animal. Sometimes I feel like a chicken in a butchers cage. A stupid animal... yet alive with bobble eyes. I fear people who do not allow me to mingle with them, while they play guitar and act like they are very knowledgeable. In arguments, I somehow know I will be beaten by them and that other people will also support them; because I am not funny. And people like funny things. I have always kept wise melancholy over hedonistic laughter, laughter has fled me to lands unknown. Such people make me feel like I have vanished in thin air. Sometimes I walk inside a room and feel like no one likes me. Sometimes I feel that the world has turned against me. And I am left not with a perspirating panting breath, but on the contrary like my heart is sinking into my stomach and it is not pumping blood anymore. And then I sit alone and count my blessings, and try to build my shattered self-esteem one block at a time.
Posted on: Thu, 18 Sep 2014 18:29:23 +0000
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