Sometimes I forget I live in Africa where we are prepared for nothing Reports varied. Some said 17 gunmen. Some said 10. And some said 14. Whatever the number, a gang of gunmen opened fire at the upscale Westgate Mall. There was a grenade that was thrown first before chaos ensued. Since 11am when I first heard about the story from my Facebook Nairobi Expat Social group, till 10pm now there still has not been a resolution. The gunmen are still inside. Whether there are hostages or not is not clear. No one seems to be giving adequate updates- at least no one official. I’ve kept tabs on the situation from various sources. I stopped after 3pm because I could not handle it. There was no one to talk with. My husband was busy, my sister out camping and it was too early to call my mom. I called a friend and we talked about the tragedy for a while. I thought once I talked about it, it would leave my system and normal life would resume. I was wrong. I hadn’t purged it enough it. Not when I had a whole years’ worth of panic installed in me. I cried today. This is not something I normally admit to anyone. I like being in control and I almost never let anyone see me in a weakened state. I cried when I read CNN. I cried when I watched updates on local stations. I cried when I read about the girl, a stranger to me, who had died in this massacre, and I cried when I saw the pictures of the incident on New York Times. I’ve been sniffling all day it’s not even funny. I wasn’t sure what got to me. The first pictures weren’t that graphic. The first one that caused so much anger was the one with plainclothes cops/military/special forces/army running up and down staircases at the mall. They had guns of all shades. My first instinct was, how the hell are they brandishing guns like this when the victims inside can’t tell them from freakin’ Adam. Why the hell aren’t they in their fatigues, uniforms, anything? They come swinging with their AK14s like it was a toy. Almost 12 hours later and no end in sight? Really? How long do they plan to sit on their asses? I’m sure they are doing surveillance and whatever else to ensure the safe passage of everyone inside. But what about the snipers on the surrounding roofs. If they are snipers, why they hell aren’t they wearing some sort of identification? Haven’t they seen enough of Cops, or the SWAT to figure out that they need to stand out? In the mass confusion about identity, I would trust a gunman as much as I would a cop undercover. Then there are the pictures of men, women, kids, the dead, the hurt, the panicked, the confused, the human. People with their hands up in the air. Women clutching their children to their chests. The man carrying a woman who was hurt. The woman in a shopping cart too hurt to walk. The body at the entrance of the mall, left there- just there. The mother covering her daughters face from the reality of life. Then, next to me, was the image of my youngest daughter asking me why people had guns in their hands and why people were running. There was a mass call for blood donation. Hundreds volunteered. Nothing like such tragedy to bring people together. But you know what’s sad? Hospitals didn’t have the means to transport blood from one place to another. So if you wanted to give blood, you had to go all the way across town to where the victims were to help out. About 60 people are injured and 33 dead. Some hospitals didn’t have blankets and some didn’t have enough doctors. What the eff is that about? We live in supposedly one of the most developed countries in Africa and there is no way to take blood from point A to B? there are no blankets? Like really? That breaks my heart. These are only 60 people hurt. How are they going to manage a large scale tragedy if they can’t look after 60? What sort of place is this? Now I know where the pain stems from. It comes from anger. Anger at the incompetence of our system in getting information to us. Anger at the security system here that has no system and preys on the fears of its citizen. Anger at the gunmen who will create further fear, pain, utter panic in those who were buying a cup of coffee for the day. Anger at the incompetence of Africa at every turn. And anger at how much our governments let us down. I understand that shit happens. Shit happened last week at the Navy base in the US. But there were answers, and there was a system in place, and there was responsibility and accountability. What hope is our government giving us when something like this happens? I want to sleep soundly at night. I want my daughters to walk to school knowing they will come back. I want to know that if I go missing that my government is going to care enough to come look for me. But then reality like this kicks in and I remember that I live in Africa. We are ready for nothing- except maybe wars. When are we going to rise to the occasion and take care of our people? When are we going to get our shit together and show that there is always a better day tomorrow? This is what the tears are for. This is where the tears come from.
Posted on: Sat, 21 Sep 2013 19:39:45 +0000
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