Sometimes its difficult to express my frustration in words but then I remember... I have my little brother Jon and he always finds the words... :) By Jonathan Cartu: I know that damn 72 hour ceasefire between Hamas and Israel is leaving all of you rabidly peace-loving, utterly compassionate and shockingly well-read anti-Zionist, pro-Palestinian, anti-Israel, pro-Peace or whatever bullshit monikers you go by down in the dumps. Well listen up Superfriends! Until the war gets going again you can consider any of the following well documented, totally legitimate causes to go completely bat-shit crazy about: - The Syrian civil war (over 200,000 killed, including thousands of Palestinians! I know right!? Its just like Free Gaza right!?) - Expulsion of historic Christian and Yazidi communities from their homes in Iraq by ISIS (exotic and colourful minorities need your help!) - Female genital manipulation (gross!) - The South Sudan conflict (the worlds newest and freshest nation! come on youngblood!) - Food Insecurity in Mali (over 3 million people are rumbly in the tumbly!) Any boycott, protest, strike or other instrument of conveying displeasure will receive extra hammy-jam-whammy bonus points if it can top the following precious moments during the recent Israel love festival that occurred over the past month (just replace Jewish/Jews with Muslims, Christians, or even Vegetarians!): - Attacking your local Jewish place of worship, or even eight! (France, Germany) - Burning your favourite Jewish-owned shops (France) - Banning local Jews from your places of business! (Belgium) - Accosting your neighborhood Jewish students on their school bus! (Australia) - Threatening Jews or Zionists with death! (UK, Italy) Using overtly bombastic, exaggerated and downright nasty language when vociferously screaming your positions is key to making yourself heard. So take a reference from the Israel/Gaza war and..... just Bullshit! Remember, facts arent the point so terms like GENOCIDE should be tossed around like they dont mean jack. Its key to also keep an eye out for the sweet spot. Your targets will be much more likely to change their wicked ways if you can concoct fantasy-island connections to their deeds that remind them of their painful pasts. The Prime Minister of Turkey, Erdogan telling the Israelis that they are worse than Hitler is just downright Danish pastry! The telling irony! Six million Jews wiped out in a campaign of ethnic cleansing, turning around and killing one thousand eight-hundred fighters and civilians in a defensive war! Right? Get it!? Hells yea! Hitlernomics over here bizzaaatch! So buck up chums! Theres so much out there to be angry about, and if experience tells us anything you wont have to wait TOO long to get back to Jew-baiting since were getting pretty close to the hour that Hamas is going to break that ceasefire. Live from Tel Aviv and still at the beach.
Posted on: Thu, 07 Aug 2014 18:45:15 +0000
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