Sometimes the pain and regret we feel following heartbreak is everlasting, even identity-changing. The worst part being, those who do it to you feel nothing for the essence that they helped destroy. It truly is a sad state to be in, for you cant make them fall in love with you any easier than you can stop yourself from loving them. How pitiful. I feel angry with myself, on account of my inability to move on from this deficit of her in my limited scope of the world. You never really understand how little control of your emotional faculties you have until someone comes along that invades your senses so deeply as to make you fully forget what it means to feel absolutely alive in their absence. All things seem to become dimmer and dimmer every passing day. Perhaps what is causing this wound to fester is the complete and utter absence of a healing salve of any form. They say: Channel it into something! This is good advice. However, they clearly dont realize when youre to this particular level of distraught- channeling it into anything proves an entirely fruitless and futile endeavor. In many ways it can prove to be quite destructive. And this salve I speak of, what would that be- I wonder. I havent a clue. If I had some inclination as to the nature of this salve- I do believe I would have applied it quite some time ago. I can say that within this time, it has been made apparent that no human women are buying into my stock, in the slightest. I can count how many recently have decided that they want nothing to do with me at some random interval. Maybe its when they realize I possess critical thought and a silver tongue. Though I tend to think that perhaps that wasnt the defining factor. Maybe it was that I dont embody what women want in a man these days. Whatever the missing element is- I find myself lacking heavily. All my attempts to move on from this heartbreak have shown me time and time again that in the end, the only people who want me- reside in unrealistic locations, or are entirely unhealthy in persona- which would be very dangerous to me in my current state of life. But I will use this eventually- once the bandages stop the metaphorical bleeding. Ill get back up and proceed as planned. But for now- I do believe I must take a rather large step back from social networking and human interaction in an attempt to reflect upon my life and its value. Because I am in the dark state of mind where I feel it has very little. I need to find a way to feel like I have worth after having so many women treat me as expendable garbage. Wish me luck, my loved ones- I expect this shall be a trying process.
Posted on: Sun, 21 Dec 2014 12:40:14 +0000
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