Sometimes when I go outside, it is overwhelming what other people see in my eyes. It is one thing to be afraid because predators see that I am easy to take advantage of, but everyone else in need, everyone else like me... oh, they see me too! I go to a gas station and ask the clerk, How are you? And if I make eye contact he will see that to me he can say the truth, he blurts it out, perhaps with surprise, perhaps without knowing why he gives the same old, scripted reply to everyone else all day long, but to me he says, I just got back from deployment and its hard. And I nod. I offer a hug. I write down the information that I have about PTSD support groups. I think of my little brother when he was so young and now that he is gone so many others gravitate towards the vaccuum. I hug them all, they fit inside the hole carved out in my being. I have made a nest there. Even the cab driver outside, the extra time spent waiting for me, but he can see through the gas station window, he says, Its alright, no extra charge. He tells me his name is the same as the first man. I tell him my name is the same as the mother of Mary, the grandmother of Jesus. We laugh because these names mean nothing, we laugh because these names mean everything.
Posted on: Tue, 20 Jan 2015 08:17:29 +0000
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