Sooooo. To explain my post yesterday evening, grab a beverage...maybe a snack.... and pull up a chair. My aunts geese just up and disappeared several days ago. Without a trace. Not a peep, not a squawk....nothing. After days of keeping an eye out for them along the Mighty Mud, I think it was Jamie who spotted...or heard them....down by the river bank near her house. Apparently they had drifted down the river and couldnt make their way back upstream. So she and my aunt spent a good hour or 2 trying to get them back up from a sand barge between a big creek in front of Jamies house that empties into The Mud....without much luck. Soooo my aunt tracked me down, asking to form a posse to get these geese back home. Never being able to say no to one of my aunts many farm adventures, me, Tyler and mom (lol...yes. I did say MY MOM....smdh) went down there to help coax them out. After throwing corn at them and calling for them...like they cared...I jumped down into the river and shushed them back up onto the bank. Now. I dunno if any of you have ever dealt with domesticated geese before. Or any geese for that matter that werent roasting an oven with veggies and stuffing. But lemme just say this: GEESE are without a doubt the most STUUUUUPIIIIID animals that ever waddled on the face of this earth. Had to try keeping the flock together while walking them aaaaaaaall the way back to my aunts farm. They were all over the place. One would go one way. 2 more would go another and so on. It. Was. Comical. And I had to carry one in my arms the whole way because shed hurt her leg. Have you ever tried carrying a goose for at least a 1/2 mile across a cattle field, trying not to get flogged and shat upon whilst dodging....or should I say TRYING to dodge ginormous, freshly made cow patties? No??? Ohhhh you just havent lived until you have. Then once we finally made it to my aunts farm, the geese all freaked the hell out trying to get through the barbed wire fences separating the farms. Imagine being flogged by a pissed off goose while running uphill full of trees, tree stumps, sapplings, wet leaves, and cow poop to try catching the other geese. Did I mention tree stumps?? UP. HILL???? Carryiiiiiing a pissed off shitting goose thats trying to snap your nose off your face, squawking bloody murder in your ear?????? After much struggle and strife....and poop....we finally got them back on the other side of the fence. Then as I was trying to crawl back under said barbed wire fence, I got my sweatshirt, butt of my jeans, and my hair entangle in the barbs. Ripped a couple of huge holes in my sweatshirt and jeans, and lost a ginormous chunk of my hair, along with getting a sweet gash ripped up my back and arm. I dont recall my last tetanus shot. So far so good. Then walked the 1/2 mile or so all the way back to Jamies farm, covered in mud, poop....both goose and cow.....boots full of saaaweeeeet smelling Mud River water and cow poop, we find my mother. My sweet 71 year old mother. MOM had negotiated the cow patty field and then had hiked...BY HERSELFFFF...up the gravel road, straight up a hill not quite halfway between the 2 farms, and couldnt make her way back down until we got there. Lol. Well she was determined to come and help. Anyhoooo. We finally made it back to my aunts truck that took us back to the barn where my truck was waiting. Safe and reasonably sound. Couldnt feel my legs at this point. But at least I was sitting. SOOOOO. Lemme just say 3 things: 1) I got enough exercise yesterday to tide me over until spring. Not really but it sure feels like it today. Praise the Lord I didnt have a coronary. 2) The smell of cow poop does not soon leave your sinus cavities 3) Why geese were created Ill never know. But I think their only purpose is to be served with potatoes, carrots and onions, and topped off with pumpkin pie.
Posted on: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 18:50:28 +0000