Standard & Poor’s, a ratings agency, raised their assessment of US sovereign debt today, confirming that they too have watched TV sometime in the last year. “We continue to monitor the situation carefully and react to events that occurred 60-90 days ago,” reported Nick O. Strich, managing director of analysis. S&P remains investors’ first choice for the kind of authoritative economic evaluation it doesn’t do. In 2011, with global markets already on edge as congressional gridlock drove the country ever closer to default, S&P analysts downgraded US debt to confirm that they knew how to do that. “A few weeks after Cyprus closed its banks and caused panic in the streets, investors relied on our credit rating downgrades to know which banks to fail to have already avoided,” Strich said with pride. “Eight weeks after Greece collapsed, we alone continued to warn the world that Greece might collapse. Even at the height of the housing crisis, our analysts waited until investors had lost trillions before helpfully pointing out that they had lost trillions.” The company has a 153-year track record of publishing reports that would be news if news were still delivered by horse. Despite such success, S&P has been criticized as a relic last relevant during the Taft administration. In response, Strich and his team have been branching out to other areas where people might want predictions about things that have already happened. “Politics is a natural area of expansion for us. For example, we’ll be reporting in July that there is a 30% chance Obama has already won re-election.”
Posted on: Mon, 10 Jun 2013 23:42:18 +0000
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